Christmas Eve (Sean/Karl)
Dec. 24th, 2005 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
horseboykarlChristmastime. I'm paying my neighbor's kid to feed Smokey this week and I've come to the farm with Ire. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m getting ready to spend Christmas with my favorite relly. Have a nice quiet Christmas, then the local bonfire for Boxing Day. Nice little vacation, away from work and all, out here in the back of beyond. Peace and quiet. Dead normal, nothing going on here.
Right, Urban. Tell another one.
She kicked me out of the house this morning, claims I'm getting on her nerves, says I can come back after lunch. I've been in a state of nervous anticipation since I got that voice mail message yesterday, saying that he's coming up this morning.
Bloody hell, that's not right, it didn't start yesterday. First, I was afraid that he wouldn't come, now that he is, I'm still nervous. And I've spent the last two weeks veering between sheer terror that I've screwed up on a monumental scale, and a sort of unbelieving happiness after spending one of the most fucking amazing nights of my life.
So Ire and I are wandering around through the grape arbors, enjoying the early summer weather. Then I see the farm truck off in the distance, June at the wheel, headed for the main road. I pull out my phone, which I had tucked in my pocket in case he got lost, and check the time. A little bit after twelve. Should take him about four hours, depending how he drives, so why is she leaving now?
I whistle for Ire and make my way back to the house. There's a note on the kitchen table: Stew on the stove. Had to get some things in town, back in a few hours. Love. I feel a wave of gratitude for her tact. She's giving me the chance to talk to him without an audience. Suddenly feeling hungry, I dish up some stew, spring lamb, and eat lunch. After, I pull out my Gameboy, and flop into a rocking chair on the porch, deciding to lose myself in something mindless like Tetris.
Sean: It’s a clear, sunny day, the scenery lovely so it’s not until well into the third hour of travel that I find myself getting a bit weary. A little later, passing the four hour mark, I spot the sign for Käo Tänetanga Hipi Winery as it swings into view and the eventual monotony of the drive that’s taken hold is gone, replaced by anticipation and something close to nervousness. I take the turn at the sign, following the unpaved lane until the house comes into view.
I see you right off, just standing from a rocking chair on the porch and looking away, I park the car. Unstrapping my seat belt I try like mad to ignore the way my heart’s thumping at just one quick glance at you, and that from a distance. Taking a breath I open the door and climb out, unable to stop the smile that curves my lips as you come down the steps, Ire at your heels.
So fucking good to see you, and though there’s a nervous roll in my belly the rest of me feels a familiar warmth. It’s been two weeks since I’ve touched you, had the taste of you in my mouth, and I want both of those things now as I walk across the grass toward you with an intensity that shouldn’t surprise me. Would be the easiest thing in the world to just put my hands on you, but I resist the desire as we meet halfway between the house and my car. I dislike my sudden uncertainty. It doesn’t feel right, being hesitant around you and the nervousness in me flutters just a little bit stronger because of it.
You look as good as I remember, and my smile widens into a grin, some of the awkwardness of the moment falling away from me. “Well, I’ve made it.” I pause briefly, then step close, deciding that if you don’t want this you’ll let me know. And yeah, it does feel like the easiest thing in the world to brush my mouth over yours lightly, searchingly, and then the hesitancy rears up and I’m pulling back, giving you space if it’s wanted. “Been thinking about you,” I say, honestly.
Karl: After arguing with myself, I decide that if you are willing to come all this way, then the connection that I feel between us can't be all that one-sided. My stomach still wants to quiver though, but that isn't a bad thing. At the sound of tires, I stand up, not able to pretend that I'm not excited to see you.
The sunlight sparkles your hair as you exit the Rover, and I have to beat down the urge to roll with you right here in the open. My happy grin matches yours and I know I must look like a bloody goofy idiot. Your lips brush mine, sending tingles of pleasure dancing along my skin, and fuck, I didn't imagine how it felt to be with you, my memories are real. But I'm not going to let you pull away, now that my worries have proven wrong. I wrap my arms around you, pulling you in tight.
"Yeah? I could say the same." I keep my voice teasing, because I want to at least give you a chance to get your bearings before the fire between us flares out of control. But I can't help capturing your mouth for a deeper kiss. And fuck, there it is again, this spontaneous combustion that happens whenever I touch you. All I can think of is getting a bed under us as soon as possible, but we finally ease off, and the kisses turn playful.
"Amazing," I murmur, stroking your back, finally loosening my hold on you, but not taking my hands away. Aunt June better find lots of things to do, because I can't see me being able to resist touching you. But then I remember that you've been driving for hours, and you'd probably like to relax a bit.
"Hungry? Thirsty? Got beer, or coffee, or tea . . . ?" Me? Bad joke, get a grip, Urban. I steer you into the house, my arm still draped over your shoulders, your bags can wait till later. Besides, I know we need to talk, to say some of the things we didn't get a chance to last time. And I come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I need to tell you the truth sooner rather than later, because seeing you again, now there's nothing else I want but to spend my nights in your arms, but if I wake up screaming, you need to know why.
Sean: The warmth in your hazel eyes is as tangible as that of your arms, feels more like it’s been two minutes rather than two weeks since I’ve last had my hands on you. I relax into your intensity and warmth as if I was made to, desire whispering under my skin, wanting more, remembering the way your weight pressed me down that night. It takes hold, brushing aside my earlier nervousness as your mouth slants over mine. I open up to you, sucking on your tongue, wanting as much of your taste as I can get . . . eventually things ease down, and we slowly pull apart, trading playful kisses that tease but doesn’t threaten to have me falling to pieces.
Your hands slide over my back, getting a sigh out of me and amazing is fucking right. Still touching, you pull back, asking what I’d like to drink. “Tea’s good,” I say on automatic, not really thinking much about it. Right now I’ve a taste for something else. Steering me into the house, your arm stays around me until you finally have to move away to get the tea started. I sit down at the table, my curious glances around the house minimal, all I really want to look at is you.
Christ. I shake my head and my loopy smile won’t leave. Feels so good to be here, that you want me here and there’s that feeling, that we just fit, somehow, and I’m not looking to put a name on it just yet because in my experience that usually leads to disappointment.
We chat a bit while the tea comes along, about what I got up to back home, what you’ve been doing. It’s not long before you’re handing me a cup and the sugar. I drop a fair bit in and stir, feeling your eyes on me. There’s a watchfulness in you that wasn’t there before and I wonder what’s on you mind, my nervousness surfacing, just barely. I take a sip of tea, looking at you over the lip of my cup. Swallowing, it goes down, warm and sweet, I arch an eyebrow. “Mm, pretty good, that.” And now I can’t help but let my tongue take a slow swipe over my bottom lip, just for the hell of it, just to take a measure of seriousness out of your eyes.
Karl: We talk so freely about so many things, from seeing your family, to my work. I tell you about Éomer helping Dave find a horse for Paris for Christmas and we laugh about the oddities that shifting has introduced into our lives. So some things haven't changed, not from seeing each other naked and vulnerable, and not from this separation. It's still incredibly effortless to be with you. Another of my worries drops away.
Running under our talk though, are other currents. Desire is there, a low buzz along my skin that I know will flicker up into something overwhelming when we touch again. Questions flit through my mind, and things I want to say to you. I think about telling you that I missed you, and I want you, and how much I just flat like being with you. And what is this? or what am I to you? And especially are we going to continue?
But your tongue distracts me, and the questions and profound things I was going to say just dribble out of my brain, and I'm left with a mental picture of that tongue swiping over my entire body instead of your lips. Fuck, you're not even touching me and I'm already getting lost in you. I finally look at your eyes again to see them twinkling mischievously and I realise I've been had. I narrow my eyes at you, attempting to be stern, but I can't do it and I grin at you. And abruptly all my questions don't matter anymore. We're here and we're together and that's the only thing that's important.
And maybe my nightmares can wait a little longer. If I'm going to lose this, I'll take one more chance to be with you before it happens, even if it makes you resent me for not telling you first.
"My ribs are healed." Fuck, Urban, nice segue. Very smooth, very subtle. Maybe I should just tell you that the house is empty while I'm at it. I can't help the blush that spreads over my face now that I've let you know where my mind has gone.
Sean: How you manage it, I can’t guess, but I’m laughing and getting hard all at once, instantly forgetting the teasing, the wondering at what you were thinking earlier. Am pretty damned certain what you’re thinking now. The laughter fades, settling into the heavy heat taking me over. I just look at you, at your dark hair brushing your collar, at the hollow of your throat. You’re gorgeous, inside and out and suddenly I feel as if the desire for you is becoming part of me, like my breath, my hopes.
Christ, how do you do it, get me to this place of wanting to give over anything. Licking my lips again, I leave my chair, moving to stand before you, then dropping to my knees. I wince at the hard floor but who the fuck cares because I’m nudging between your legs, getting close. My hand’s against your hair, cradling your skull, pulling you to me and I'm taking your mouth, sealing us together. Your arms fold around me and I thrust my tongue inside without teasing or asking.
I work your mouth hard, growling because you taste so fucking good, because your arms tightening around me feels so fucking good and I’m hungry for your strength, want to get lost in it and holy chirst, could come just from this. I pull back, needing to breathe though I don’t want to make the trade, you for breathing. My knees are aching and I’m hard, wanting you, your weight pressing me down and holding me, again. I want all of you, your skin, your mouth and your cock, you eyes on me.
So close we’re sharing the same air, I look into your eyes, your heat and I want. My other hand finds your hip, grips, pulls you to the edge of the chair against me. I bury my face in your neck, god, you make it so easy to need . . .
I growl against your heated skin. “Want you in me, Karl.” My fingers curl hard against your hipbone and fuck, now my face is going red but what I’m saying is the most honest thing I’ve ever felt.
Pulling back, I look into your eyes. “Want you fucking me, love.”
Karl: One look at the expression on your face, and I know I'm about to be pulled under again, and fuck if I don't welcome it. Welcome losing myself in you, wandering in your fire and never coming out again. And you flow into my arms, and I already know how you'll fit against me, how our mouths will mesh together. I let myself sink into your demanding caresses, slightly bemused to think that this is only the second time we've ever done this, it already feels so familiar, but at the same time, you make me dizzy with wanting you.
At your words, I can't stop myself from bucking my hips against you, the hot pleasure slices through me leaving me reeling. Fuck, I'm going to embarrass myself again if I don't get my reactions under control. I swallow hard, my thumb tracing your lips. "Yeah. That sounds brilliant."
I stand up, pulling you up with me, then gripping your ass and grinding against you, letting you feel how much I want you. "However you want it, Sean."
And for once, I mean that. I'm done playing alpha games, done trying to make sex into a contest of wills, don't want to do that with you. Don't care who does what, just want to get skin to skin with you. I step back, lacing our fingers together and I draw you towards the front of the house. I smile at you, warm and hungry as I lead you up the old creaky stairs, glad now for the hopeful impulse that prompted me to toss some supplies in my pack.
The windows of my room are open to the summer sunshine and it turns you into gold again, making my breath hitch in my chest. Fuck, you're so beautiful. I delve into your mouth again, my tongue stroking, probing you. Then I move my lips to your ear, as my fingers work the buttons of your shirt, my voice husky as I tell you what I want.
"Gonna fuck you, Sean. Wanna be so deep in you. Gonna fuck you so long and hard you'll still feel me moving in you hours later." And I take a low, shuddering breath, the idea of being buried in your heat making my cock jump.
Sean: Your words take hold of me, has my eyes sliding shut against the sound of your voice, low and rough in my ear as you ease my shirt off my shoulders.
“Fuck yeah, want that,” I whisper as the fabric slips down my arms. “Want you having me like that,” I get out, then can only give you a low moan as your hands move over me, gripping my arse. You pull me in tight and I feel your hard cock through our jeans. Fuck.
I press back into your hands, breath coming fast, hard and aching and feeling so completely caught and held and there’s nothing in the feeling that gives me pause, or makes me want to stop. Can’t stop, and I’m moving in your grip, rubbing myself on you, reveling in the feel of you kneading me arse. I get my eyes open, wanting to look at you.
The sunlight filling the windows with brightness spills inside the bedroom, is golden against you and I need to see it against your skin. I tug at your shirt, getting it off, and then my hands are on you, running over your chest, thumb circling your nipple ring. You’re made of heat and sunlight, smooth skin and dark eyes filled with promises to fuck me, hard and deep, and I want all of you, everything you’ve promised.
I put my mouth on the tender skin of the hollow of your throat, tonguing it. I taste your nipples, sucking greedily. My hands run up and down your sides, around to your back, reading and rereading the muscles under your hot skin. Feel like I can’t wait to get you in me and like I could stand here in the sunlight tasting you forever. I make my way back up your chest, up your jugular, licking with long wet swipes of my tongue. Sweat is beginning to prick my skin, breaking out all over and I taste the same on you and nothing’s ever tasted so good. Suddenly, the words are coming back, spilling out like the sunlight through the windowpanes.
“Want you buried in me,” I manage, pressing my face into your shoulder, rubbing my cheek against smooth skin, mumbling through the haze of heat, “want to feel you everywhere.”
Karl: Your touches on me, your hot mouth exploring me, your words, your body under my hands . . . all undoing me. Stifling a groan, trying to regain my balance, I put your hands to your sides and kneel at your feet, helping you get your shoes off. I run my hands up the outsides of your legs, still in your jeans, before moving to the center and getting them open. I look up at your, meeting your eyes with the want in mine and lick my own lips, before burying my face against your crotch. I slide your jeans down, nuzzling into your silk covered hardness while you step out of them. Your boxers follow and I wrap my arms around your hips, closing my eyes and pressing my face against your cock, holding you tightly while I revel in the warmth and smell of you.
Pulling back slightly, I meet your eyes again and hold them while I stick my tongue out to capture the moisture on your tip. Fuck, the taste of you has me groaning again and much as I'd like to have you shooting down my throat, I decide to save it for another time. I stand up and kiss you, backing you up until your knees hit the bed. I let you go and watch while you settle yourself on the pillows, fuck . . . seeing you like that on my bed.
"Beautiful," I tell you honestly, meeting your eyes again. I grope in my pack and put the lube and condoms on the bed, and then I hesitate. But then I unsnap my jeans, letting you watch me while I shove them off. Once naked, I force myself to stand up straight, to let you look all you want, feeling exposed here in this clear sunlight, different from the protective darkness of the last time.
But then I can't hold back anymore, can't wait to pull you against me. I get on the bed with you, rolling you under me, taking your mouth again, hungrily, ravishing you. Finally, when we are both twisting and panting, I let your mouth go and reach for the lube, getting a good blob of it on my fingers. I trail my thumb down your torso, watching your eyes while I skim over your cock, and then my fingers find your hole. My lubed fingers circle it slowly, pressing down lightly, looking into your eyes to see what you like, what you want me to do to you. I want to watch your reactions while I explore you.
Sean: You’re curved over me, teasing me and I can’t take my eyes off you. Opening my legs wider, I give you more room and your finger eases inside, right up to the knuckle. My head drops back on your pillow, mouth falling open, and it’s your name tumbling off my lips.
Fucking hell,, I’m rocking my hips, moving on you and god, our gazes are joined just as your finger has joined my body and I feel you inside, stroking. I moan, wanting to give you everything you’re looking for, wanting to tell you that but all I can manage is your name and the occasional curse, and then I’m arching into you, bucking as another finger slides home.
You drop a kiss against my chest, all the while keeping our gazes locked and christ, feels so intimate, so private and the whole world falls away and there’s nothing but your touch, your gaze, and I want this so much. My entire body shudders as I feel a third long finger enter me, and goddamn, I’m unraveling, coming apart.
You begin thrusting, pushing deep then pulling out only to push back in and I get a hand on you, fingers curling hard around your arm where you’re propped up over me, my other hand reaching up, searching for something hold on to. I find the headboard and latch down, using the leverage to sink down more fully on your hand.
You’re fucking me with your lube-slick fingers and I’m panting, chest heaving, body rocking and you’re making it feel so intensely amazing with just your hand, I don’t know if I’m going to survive your cock. Want you so much, you taking me, and fucking hell, the pleasure and the emotions swirling in me have to be plain in my eyes.
Your beautiful dark ones are still on me, watching and learning and I want to tell you what I’m beginning to understand . . . that you make me feel safe, safe enough to just let go, to fucking hand my body over to you like I did the last time, but I can’t speak. Can barely think in a straight line with what you’re doing to me, feel enveloped by you, your heat, the care you’re taking with driving me mad. So, I tell you what I’m feeling with my body, my noises, my eyes, trusting that the words will come later when I need them.
Karl: You were so tight when I started this, but as I've gradually opened you, you've relaxed and you body is working with me, fuck giving in to me, taking my fingers into you, greedily sucking them in, while you thrust against me. All my fantasizing and dreaming over the last two weeks got no where close to the reality of having you in my hands like this, getting you ready to take my cock. Oh, bloody hell, I want to sink into you, to feel this around my dick. But the way you feel on my fingers, like I hold your life in my hands somehow, I feel like you are something so precious that I can't bear to let you go.
But finally the messages from my cock start to get overwhelming and I know that if I'm going to be any good to either of us, I need to stop this. You are making indescribable noises, that are going straight to my cock, your pupils so dilated that the color doesn't show anymore, and everything about you is pushing me beyond reason.
I kneel up between your legs, getting the condom on while I watch your eyes. I wonder if you'd prefer to go the other way, but I decide that I want to see your eyes the entire time we're joined.
"Ready?" I have no doubt that your body is fully ready for me, but I want to give you the chance to ask for something more if you need it, but you nod and pull your knees up, and fuck I've never seen anything so erotic as you opening yourself up for me like that. My hands aren't quite steady as I get more lube on me, but I want to be sure I don't hurt you, be sure that this goes smooth and easy for you.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I position myself and then push against you. And you let me in, sliding into you while you welcome me home and all at once I'm balls deep in you and I can barely breathe.
"Sean," I moan raggedly, stilling inside you, telling myself that I'm letting you adjust to me, when it's me who needs to adjust to your searing heat gripping me.
Sean: Holding myself ready for you, have never felt more open, more exposed for anyone. And there’s no doubt, no worry because this, you hot against me, this, your eyes holding mine as you slide inside, is what I want and god, I’m moaning, taking in gasping breaths at the feel of you easing home.
You look into me, eyes so dark, and fucking christ, you’re hilt deep, balls snug against my body. A tremor runs through you and I answer it with one of my own. You prepared me slowly and thoroughly and it was easy for you to push inside and you feel fucking huge in me now as you hold yourself still. I’m blinking, drawing in a shaky breath at the stretch, my body adjusting around your hard, long length and when you moan my name, my need amps up even higher and that shouldn’t be possible, but is.
Gently, I let my legs go, sliding them as high around your waist as I can get them, hooking my ankles together behind you. The motion changes your angle so slightly inside me and I think we’re both moaning at the sensation. Getting my hands on you I card my fingers through your hair, brushing it back from your face, tucking it behind your ears because, yeah, I want to see your face as you fuck me. My hands travel down, sliding over your hot, sweat-wet skin, raking down your back and I’m wrapping myself as tight around you as possible, lost in your eyes, your body, in the undiluted desire that’s claimed me, in you claiming me, and god, maybe we’re claiming each other . . .
You’re holding yourself over me, bathed in sunlight, gorgeous cock buried deep and it seems like hours since you mounted me, and christ, I want you fucking me, want you to take what you want. Can’t stay still, and my hips rock once, twice before I can get myself under control though I’m shaking with the effort.
“Karl, . . . ” and now the words finally come tumbling out, “you’re so fucking beautiful, need you moving, love, want you so deep I feel you in my fucking throat, want you to take everything you want, just do it . . . ”
Karl: My body is held to tightly in the clasp of yours, you surround me everywhere. I feel so outrageously good that I'm almost afraid to move, afraid to destroy this connection. But I can't resist you, your words wrap around me like your flesh has.
One stroke, out and back in, testing our reactions, to see how we move together. A few more and I grip your hips, tightly, shifting you around, finding the best angle for both of us. You hiss and buck against me, letting me know how it feels for you, and once again, your responsiveness delights me, makes me want to give you all the more of my body, of myself.
And the way you are twisting under me, it snaps the last of my control and I'm just gone, my hips moving raggedly, slamming into you with long, fast strokes, riding you into the bed. And, fuck, you're meeting my thrusts, taking everything I'm giving you, giving it back to me a thousand times. I'm beyond thinking, beyond reason, drowning in your golden heat. We move together as one and I don't know how long we've been like this, riding our desires, it feels like we've been locked together like this forever.
The pressure builds up in my balls, swirling outward and I'm losing it, losing myself in you. "Sean . . . please." I'm begging you, pleading with you to take your pleasure, because I'm falling too hard.
"Fuck. Can't last." I grit my teeth, willing the orgasm away, knowing I should stop, or slow down, but you've got me now and I can't. "Want to see you. Fuck, come for me. Please. Want to watch."
I lock eyes with you, never stopping my hips pounding into you. Your tongue is out, your hair is sticking to your face in wet clumps, and your breath is coming harsh through your lips. Your eyes are so green, catching the sunlight. Beautiful Sean.
Sean: I’m writhing on your cock, under your weight, totally engulfed in the hunger of wanting you and I buck, meeting your thrusts, shoving myself down on you even more fully. My legs twine around you, hands moving over your skin however they can, clutching you to me as you ride.
Fucking hell, I’m moaning as you grab my hips, adjusting our bodies, thrusts finding my very core and it’s too much. Pinned under you, entire body on fire, I’m lost in the feeling of your cock going so deep, driving me mad and I respond to your every stroke, your every touch with everything I have. Your rhythm changes, I’m gasping your name, anchoring you to me with my hands and legs and you’re pounding me, and yes-yes-yes, I glory in your strength fucking me into the bed, vaguely recognizing the sound of the headboard steadily slapping the wall.
It seems to go on for hours, you pumping in again and again and you’ve got me, my cock is hard, aching, trapped between us in the hot friction of our rocking bodies and I’m looking into your eyes, pushed right to the edge by your loving and then your words, fuck, your words push me over. You don’t even have to put a hand on my cock, all it takes is the look in your eyes, your voice, and fuck yeah, I want to come with you watching.
The intense pleasure you’re giving me is laying me bare and you push in, so hard, and the joy of it explodes hot and fierce inside me. My arse clenches down around your cock and my fingers curl hard into your flesh as I bow up off the bed, crying out your name, desperate with pleasure. Our gazes are locked and I can’t look away, can’t even close my eyes against the feelings slamming through me because I feel you fucking me through my release, chasing your own and I need to watch you, too.
You shove in, rooted deep inside and yes, I want you to follow me down, drown with me in the waves of desire.
Karl: I see it in your eyes before I feel it in your body, before I feel the hot liquid splashing between us. And I never thought I'd see something as breathtakingly stunning as the look in your eyes while you fall apart in my arms. Barely clinging to my own sanity, I keep moving, but then I can't take it anymore.
I give in to the feelings, give in to you, my hips slamming into you, jolting against you, as I hunch my back up and yell your name. But I can't look away from you either, and I let you see what this is doing to me, let you watch the waves of pleasure breaking over me as I push into you, coming so hard I'm trying to crawl into you.
Riding through the aftershocks, I keep spasming into you until it finally dies away. I want to collapse on top of you, but I pull out slowly, not wanting to lose your intense heat. I get rid of the frenchie, and lie back in bed with you, not caring that we're both coated in sweat, I just want to touch you, to wind my arms around you and have you holding me.
I trace the lines of your face with my fingers, liking the calm sated look in your eyes, liking that I put it there. And I like knowing that I've got the same look on my face and you're responsible for it.
"Bloody amazing." And I'm smiling again, a soft happy smile.
Sean: Having you come in me is the most fucking gorgeous thing I’ve seen, heard, felt. Your cock’s pulsing inside as I watch your face, beautiful passion-dark eyes showing me everything. I tighten my inner muscles, wanting to make it so good for you. You stay curved over me for long moments as I run my hands over you, stroking, soothing as you come down, cock softening inside me. When you pull slowly out I can’t stop the disappointed sound that leaves me, and lying back, I just breathe, watching you peel off the condom and then you’re next to me again, fingers tracing over my face, my eyelashes fluttering against your fingertips.
Feel so relaxed, so sated in your aftermath and I sink into the feeling of gratefulness of having had this with you, and there’s more moving in me, but I don’t try and name it. My come is on both of us where our bellies slid together and I can’t bring myself to clean it away just yet. I fit myself against you in a way that’s become familiar. I can’t stop looking at you, an immensely satisfied smile on my face, and I’m wondering if we should talk, or something, because I want more of this, whatever this, is. My hand traces over your flat belly, fingers rubbing my seed into your skin and feels like the easiest thing I’ve ever done, just lying here touching you in such a way.
My smile widens into an unrepentant, pleased grin. “Amazing is the word, christ, Karl, you’re so fucking beautiful . . . ” I trail off, face going warm and after what I just shared with you, this is what brings me to blushing? I don’t care though, and moving up press my mouth against yours, wanting to tell you how brilliant you were, are, with something other than just words. I pull you tight, kissing you sloppily, lazily, drinking you in.
Pulling back a bit breathless, I’m still grinning because, god, me arse is throbbing. I press my face into your neck, chuckling a little, breathing in the scent of your sweat and our sex. “Made good on your promise, I’d say. Gonna feel you in me for fucking hours.”
Karl: Your comments bring a snort of laughter. Fuck, it's so good with you, so easy to do this, being able to laugh together like this. Even when my hormones aren't raging out of control, and that says something about the way we match each other. I don't want to read too much into this, it's enough that you're here with me for now.
"Next time, you do me," I mumble around your mouth. And I hope to hell there's a next time.
We spend a long time just kissing easily, touching, hands stroking over sated bodies. You're curled right up against me, and fuck, I wonder if the rest of the world knows what a cuddler Sean Bean is. I feel like I've been given a privileged look at a secret that no one else knows. But I'm enjoying every moment of it and I can't help wondering if you're planning on more.
I shift us around so that I can look at your eyes again. "Don't know exactly what you had in mind here, but you've got your own room if you want it. I mean, I'm not saying you can't . . . I didn't know . . . we didn't talk." I rake an agitated hand through my hair, not understanding how I can feel so completely relaxed around you, but still sometimes you turn me into a fumbling boy again.
"Bloody hell, I'm making a mess of this." I cup a hand around the curve of your shoulder, my thumb tracing sleek muscles, the motion soothing me. "I'd like to sleep with you, but if you don't want it, you don't have to. Your choice, I'll be fine either way."
Which is a fucking lie, but I'm not going to try to pressure you into something you're not ready to do.
Sean: My hand comes to rest on your hip, fingers absently drawing slow circles against your warm skin, unconsciously mirroring your touch on my shoulder. You’re making me smile again, the offer to sleep with you touching a desire in me that’s gone unvoiced. I'm glad it's one we share, as I’d honestly not even thought of leaving, actually, and the feelings rising inside have me moving, pressing warm, gentle kisses along your neck and jaw and I can’t seem to get enough of you, even after having had you so deep inside.
I card my fingers through your hair, moving down your neck, the touch of my lips and hands light and soothing and once I’ve started I don’t want to stop, so I don’t, but keep moving lower and lower, sliding down your body. I brush kisses over your nipples, paying special attention to the one with the ring, then down to your toned belly, and not even hesitating, begin licking the proof of my pleasure off you. You shift a little restlessly, and my eyes drift up as I swipe my tongue over your firm belly, our eyes meeting and I watch you watching me as I get you clean, and as I finish, I feel it, that connection with you, and my breath rushes out, feathering warm on your skin.
It’s always been there, I think, in one form or another but I feel it as clearly now as when you were buried balls deep inside me. Sliding back up your body I rest against your side, my hand smoothing up your chest, just soaking in your scent, your feel, your body heat. Christ, you make the words fall together in my mind so readily, you make me want to give them so easily. Settling against you more fully, I say, “Want to stay, want to sleep wrapped up in you,” I nuzzle your neck, press my smile against you and my voice is husky and low as I promise, “yeah, going to fuck you, next time.”
Karl: Oh shit, you moving over me like this is gonna get me going again. You acting like a cat again, fuck, you're so bloody sensual, I can't think straight. "Typhoon Sean," I laugh softly, maybe I'll explain that some day, but your promise in that low voice sends lightning skittering along my spine and if I hadn't just come I think I'd be up again.
Okay, one time was maybe just loneliness and horniness, two times . . . maybe because we've been apart for two weeks. But to do it again, to sleep together again, that's not nothing anymore and I pull you in tighter.
"Something I need to tell you, then." I stick my nose in your hair, letting the strands tickle, inhaling your clean scent, and trying to gather my courage. "I did something really bad and it still gives me nightmares . . . screaming clawing ones."
Resisting the urge to get dressed, to hide myself from you, I'm still holding you, alert from any sign of you stiffening, pulling away, ready to let you go instantly. I swallow, fighting against my fear. "Not as much as it did. That gang I told you about . . . they hurt someone I cared about and he almost died."
Deciding to get it all out, I plow on. "I went after them, thinking that they deserved to die. That was wrong. It wasn't my decision to make, but I found that if you go out thinking you're going to kill someone then you'll get your wish." I spare a thought for Gareth and Jay, hoping that wherever they are, they're safe together and that whatever happened to Jay that night didn't damage him permanently.
"One of them tried to kill me, except . . . I killed him first. I'm not saying it was wrong to defend myself, I'm not stupid. But I went into that fight thinking that I had the right to decide who got to live and who got to die. That's where I fucked up."
I can't bear to look at you, afraid to see the condemnation in your eyes. And even if you don't hate me for it, I know it's a lot to take in.
Sean: Resting against your chest I can’t see your face, so I stay still in your tight embrace, listening to your quiet voice. When you’re done I feel the tension in you, I think you’re waiting for me to decide something, but really, I can’t think past, one of them tried to kill me, and fucking hell, someone tried to kill you!
Fuck, want to run my hands over every inch of you, just to make sure you’re truly all right, and the instinct gets me moving. Pulling away, I lean up enough to see your face, get a look at your eyes.
“Jesus christ, Karl,” is all I say, and I open my mouth to say more, to ask who your friend was that you nearly died for, to ask what the hell actually went on, but you’re watching me with something close to trepidation, and the questions fall away. You could’ve been killed, and I’d have never known the way your arms fit about me, your taste, your heat and your brilliance. I shift against you, trying to get closer and the movement sends a twinge through my arse, and christ, I might never have known the feel of you inside me.
My hand finds yours and I bring it to my mouth, kissing the backs of your fingers and fucking hell, I keep thinking that I don’t want to name this that’s between us and maybe I’m not ready to yet, but it is something important, something more than attraction. It’s heat and passion, want and need, friendship and easy companionship and maybe the start of more . . . it’s something I don’t want to lose, and the thought that I might have been denied you cuts deep enough to scare me.
I’m watching your eyes as I turn your hand over, kissing the palm, as I draw your arm around me again and move up your body. Never breaking your gaze, I take your face in my hands and the words, like so often with you, just come to me. “Going to take more than nightmares to put me off, want to stay with you.”
I seal my mouth over yours, asking for your heat, needing it, hoping that I’m giving you the answer you want and leaving my questions for later.
Karl: Relief floods through me as you take my hand, as I understand that you aren't going to condemn me. I watch you while you kiss my fingers, stunned by the tenderness of the gesture and confused by the look in your eyes. And for once I didn't fuck up, I put my trust in you and I was right to do it. I'm safe with you. And fuck, the list of people who make me feel that way is the shortest list of all.
As you cover me with your body, I start to feel the small tentative beginnings of hope . . . that maybe this thing between us will turn into something special, that maybe you're someone I can put my faith in. And I tighten my arms around you, nearly trembling in reaction to the release of my fears. I don't have any words to tell you how much your acceptance means to me. But when your mouth covers mine, I try to let you know what I'm feeling, giving you everything you ask for and more.
We pull apart again, and the happy smile is back on my face. "Brave man, Sean." Desire for you is still running through me, but it's banked into a warm fire at the moment, though I consider never letting you out of bed. Or clothes, we've got no need for them. Keep you here forever, wearing nothing but sunlight.
"I'm glad you're staying. Fuck, I'm glad." I struggle for words again, but I think you've got to see it in my eyes, as my arms tighten around you again. The comfort that I find around you has taken another dimension, now I've told you my worst fear and you didn't flinch from it.
Sean: Responding to the warmth in your eyes, I settle against you as the tension flows from you, reveling in the feel of your skin against mine and giving you a sleepy smile. I’m content, and tired, brilliantly so, and as true as that is there’s still a current of desire running through me that’s become a familiar constant when I’m near you. There’s more here too, a sense of rightness that’s becoming a part of the desire that you bring in me so easily, and I recognize what that might mean.
Feeling so heavy, I rest my cheek on your shoulder, letting my hand stroke slowly over your belly, just resting in the moment and beginning to drift. This, I could get used to, could start to expect, falling asleep next to you, skin to skin. Bloody hell, but I could get used to this, and maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking in those terms this soon, but fuck, there it is . . . but I don’t feel pressured to do anything about it, yet. Don’t feel as if I have to have everything figured out, every emotion identified and labeled. I feel as if it’s all right to just enjoy you, enjoy this, and let the rest work itself out in its own time.
Maybe I’m dreaming, am about to run headlong into a huge, awkward mess, wouldn’t be the first time, but I can’t bring myself to care much. Not when your chest is rising and falling evenly underneath my cheek, when your arms are wrapped around me, and it’s brilliantly easy to just rest against you as if I belonged, and not worry. Worry can come later, when you’re not so close, not so warm.
NC-17
Right, Urban. Tell another one.
She kicked me out of the house this morning, claims I'm getting on her nerves, says I can come back after lunch. I've been in a state of nervous anticipation since I got that voice mail message yesterday, saying that he's coming up this morning.
Bloody hell, that's not right, it didn't start yesterday. First, I was afraid that he wouldn't come, now that he is, I'm still nervous. And I've spent the last two weeks veering between sheer terror that I've screwed up on a monumental scale, and a sort of unbelieving happiness after spending one of the most fucking amazing nights of my life.
So Ire and I are wandering around through the grape arbors, enjoying the early summer weather. Then I see the farm truck off in the distance, June at the wheel, headed for the main road. I pull out my phone, which I had tucked in my pocket in case he got lost, and check the time. A little bit after twelve. Should take him about four hours, depending how he drives, so why is she leaving now?
I whistle for Ire and make my way back to the house. There's a note on the kitchen table: Stew on the stove. Had to get some things in town, back in a few hours. Love. I feel a wave of gratitude for her tact. She's giving me the chance to talk to him without an audience. Suddenly feeling hungry, I dish up some stew, spring lamb, and eat lunch. After, I pull out my Gameboy, and flop into a rocking chair on the porch, deciding to lose myself in something mindless like Tetris.
Sean: It’s a clear, sunny day, the scenery lovely so it’s not until well into the third hour of travel that I find myself getting a bit weary. A little later, passing the four hour mark, I spot the sign for Käo Tänetanga Hipi Winery as it swings into view and the eventual monotony of the drive that’s taken hold is gone, replaced by anticipation and something close to nervousness. I take the turn at the sign, following the unpaved lane until the house comes into view.
I see you right off, just standing from a rocking chair on the porch and looking away, I park the car. Unstrapping my seat belt I try like mad to ignore the way my heart’s thumping at just one quick glance at you, and that from a distance. Taking a breath I open the door and climb out, unable to stop the smile that curves my lips as you come down the steps, Ire at your heels.
So fucking good to see you, and though there’s a nervous roll in my belly the rest of me feels a familiar warmth. It’s been two weeks since I’ve touched you, had the taste of you in my mouth, and I want both of those things now as I walk across the grass toward you with an intensity that shouldn’t surprise me. Would be the easiest thing in the world to just put my hands on you, but I resist the desire as we meet halfway between the house and my car. I dislike my sudden uncertainty. It doesn’t feel right, being hesitant around you and the nervousness in me flutters just a little bit stronger because of it.
You look as good as I remember, and my smile widens into a grin, some of the awkwardness of the moment falling away from me. “Well, I’ve made it.” I pause briefly, then step close, deciding that if you don’t want this you’ll let me know. And yeah, it does feel like the easiest thing in the world to brush my mouth over yours lightly, searchingly, and then the hesitancy rears up and I’m pulling back, giving you space if it’s wanted. “Been thinking about you,” I say, honestly.
Karl: After arguing with myself, I decide that if you are willing to come all this way, then the connection that I feel between us can't be all that one-sided. My stomach still wants to quiver though, but that isn't a bad thing. At the sound of tires, I stand up, not able to pretend that I'm not excited to see you.
The sunlight sparkles your hair as you exit the Rover, and I have to beat down the urge to roll with you right here in the open. My happy grin matches yours and I know I must look like a bloody goofy idiot. Your lips brush mine, sending tingles of pleasure dancing along my skin, and fuck, I didn't imagine how it felt to be with you, my memories are real. But I'm not going to let you pull away, now that my worries have proven wrong. I wrap my arms around you, pulling you in tight.
"Yeah? I could say the same." I keep my voice teasing, because I want to at least give you a chance to get your bearings before the fire between us flares out of control. But I can't help capturing your mouth for a deeper kiss. And fuck, there it is again, this spontaneous combustion that happens whenever I touch you. All I can think of is getting a bed under us as soon as possible, but we finally ease off, and the kisses turn playful.
"Amazing," I murmur, stroking your back, finally loosening my hold on you, but not taking my hands away. Aunt June better find lots of things to do, because I can't see me being able to resist touching you. But then I remember that you've been driving for hours, and you'd probably like to relax a bit.
"Hungry? Thirsty? Got beer, or coffee, or tea . . . ?" Me? Bad joke, get a grip, Urban. I steer you into the house, my arm still draped over your shoulders, your bags can wait till later. Besides, I know we need to talk, to say some of the things we didn't get a chance to last time. And I come to the uncomfortable conclusion that I need to tell you the truth sooner rather than later, because seeing you again, now there's nothing else I want but to spend my nights in your arms, but if I wake up screaming, you need to know why.
Sean: The warmth in your hazel eyes is as tangible as that of your arms, feels more like it’s been two minutes rather than two weeks since I’ve last had my hands on you. I relax into your intensity and warmth as if I was made to, desire whispering under my skin, wanting more, remembering the way your weight pressed me down that night. It takes hold, brushing aside my earlier nervousness as your mouth slants over mine. I open up to you, sucking on your tongue, wanting as much of your taste as I can get . . . eventually things ease down, and we slowly pull apart, trading playful kisses that tease but doesn’t threaten to have me falling to pieces.
Your hands slide over my back, getting a sigh out of me and amazing is fucking right. Still touching, you pull back, asking what I’d like to drink. “Tea’s good,” I say on automatic, not really thinking much about it. Right now I’ve a taste for something else. Steering me into the house, your arm stays around me until you finally have to move away to get the tea started. I sit down at the table, my curious glances around the house minimal, all I really want to look at is you.
Christ. I shake my head and my loopy smile won’t leave. Feels so good to be here, that you want me here and there’s that feeling, that we just fit, somehow, and I’m not looking to put a name on it just yet because in my experience that usually leads to disappointment.
We chat a bit while the tea comes along, about what I got up to back home, what you’ve been doing. It’s not long before you’re handing me a cup and the sugar. I drop a fair bit in and stir, feeling your eyes on me. There’s a watchfulness in you that wasn’t there before and I wonder what’s on you mind, my nervousness surfacing, just barely. I take a sip of tea, looking at you over the lip of my cup. Swallowing, it goes down, warm and sweet, I arch an eyebrow. “Mm, pretty good, that.” And now I can’t help but let my tongue take a slow swipe over my bottom lip, just for the hell of it, just to take a measure of seriousness out of your eyes.
Karl: We talk so freely about so many things, from seeing your family, to my work. I tell you about Éomer helping Dave find a horse for Paris for Christmas and we laugh about the oddities that shifting has introduced into our lives. So some things haven't changed, not from seeing each other naked and vulnerable, and not from this separation. It's still incredibly effortless to be with you. Another of my worries drops away.
Running under our talk though, are other currents. Desire is there, a low buzz along my skin that I know will flicker up into something overwhelming when we touch again. Questions flit through my mind, and things I want to say to you. I think about telling you that I missed you, and I want you, and how much I just flat like being with you. And what is this? or what am I to you? And especially are we going to continue?
But your tongue distracts me, and the questions and profound things I was going to say just dribble out of my brain, and I'm left with a mental picture of that tongue swiping over my entire body instead of your lips. Fuck, you're not even touching me and I'm already getting lost in you. I finally look at your eyes again to see them twinkling mischievously and I realise I've been had. I narrow my eyes at you, attempting to be stern, but I can't do it and I grin at you. And abruptly all my questions don't matter anymore. We're here and we're together and that's the only thing that's important.
And maybe my nightmares can wait a little longer. If I'm going to lose this, I'll take one more chance to be with you before it happens, even if it makes you resent me for not telling you first.
"My ribs are healed." Fuck, Urban, nice segue. Very smooth, very subtle. Maybe I should just tell you that the house is empty while I'm at it. I can't help the blush that spreads over my face now that I've let you know where my mind has gone.
Sean: How you manage it, I can’t guess, but I’m laughing and getting hard all at once, instantly forgetting the teasing, the wondering at what you were thinking earlier. Am pretty damned certain what you’re thinking now. The laughter fades, settling into the heavy heat taking me over. I just look at you, at your dark hair brushing your collar, at the hollow of your throat. You’re gorgeous, inside and out and suddenly I feel as if the desire for you is becoming part of me, like my breath, my hopes.
Christ, how do you do it, get me to this place of wanting to give over anything. Licking my lips again, I leave my chair, moving to stand before you, then dropping to my knees. I wince at the hard floor but who the fuck cares because I’m nudging between your legs, getting close. My hand’s against your hair, cradling your skull, pulling you to me and I'm taking your mouth, sealing us together. Your arms fold around me and I thrust my tongue inside without teasing or asking.
I work your mouth hard, growling because you taste so fucking good, because your arms tightening around me feels so fucking good and I’m hungry for your strength, want to get lost in it and holy chirst, could come just from this. I pull back, needing to breathe though I don’t want to make the trade, you for breathing. My knees are aching and I’m hard, wanting you, your weight pressing me down and holding me, again. I want all of you, your skin, your mouth and your cock, you eyes on me.
So close we’re sharing the same air, I look into your eyes, your heat and I want. My other hand finds your hip, grips, pulls you to the edge of the chair against me. I bury my face in your neck, god, you make it so easy to need . . .
I growl against your heated skin. “Want you in me, Karl.” My fingers curl hard against your hipbone and fuck, now my face is going red but what I’m saying is the most honest thing I’ve ever felt.
Pulling back, I look into your eyes. “Want you fucking me, love.”
Karl: One look at the expression on your face, and I know I'm about to be pulled under again, and fuck if I don't welcome it. Welcome losing myself in you, wandering in your fire and never coming out again. And you flow into my arms, and I already know how you'll fit against me, how our mouths will mesh together. I let myself sink into your demanding caresses, slightly bemused to think that this is only the second time we've ever done this, it already feels so familiar, but at the same time, you make me dizzy with wanting you.
At your words, I can't stop myself from bucking my hips against you, the hot pleasure slices through me leaving me reeling. Fuck, I'm going to embarrass myself again if I don't get my reactions under control. I swallow hard, my thumb tracing your lips. "Yeah. That sounds brilliant."
I stand up, pulling you up with me, then gripping your ass and grinding against you, letting you feel how much I want you. "However you want it, Sean."
And for once, I mean that. I'm done playing alpha games, done trying to make sex into a contest of wills, don't want to do that with you. Don't care who does what, just want to get skin to skin with you. I step back, lacing our fingers together and I draw you towards the front of the house. I smile at you, warm and hungry as I lead you up the old creaky stairs, glad now for the hopeful impulse that prompted me to toss some supplies in my pack.
The windows of my room are open to the summer sunshine and it turns you into gold again, making my breath hitch in my chest. Fuck, you're so beautiful. I delve into your mouth again, my tongue stroking, probing you. Then I move my lips to your ear, as my fingers work the buttons of your shirt, my voice husky as I tell you what I want.
"Gonna fuck you, Sean. Wanna be so deep in you. Gonna fuck you so long and hard you'll still feel me moving in you hours later." And I take a low, shuddering breath, the idea of being buried in your heat making my cock jump.
Sean: Your words take hold of me, has my eyes sliding shut against the sound of your voice, low and rough in my ear as you ease my shirt off my shoulders.
“Fuck yeah, want that,” I whisper as the fabric slips down my arms. “Want you having me like that,” I get out, then can only give you a low moan as your hands move over me, gripping my arse. You pull me in tight and I feel your hard cock through our jeans. Fuck.
I press back into your hands, breath coming fast, hard and aching and feeling so completely caught and held and there’s nothing in the feeling that gives me pause, or makes me want to stop. Can’t stop, and I’m moving in your grip, rubbing myself on you, reveling in the feel of you kneading me arse. I get my eyes open, wanting to look at you.
The sunlight filling the windows with brightness spills inside the bedroom, is golden against you and I need to see it against your skin. I tug at your shirt, getting it off, and then my hands are on you, running over your chest, thumb circling your nipple ring. You’re made of heat and sunlight, smooth skin and dark eyes filled with promises to fuck me, hard and deep, and I want all of you, everything you’ve promised.
I put my mouth on the tender skin of the hollow of your throat, tonguing it. I taste your nipples, sucking greedily. My hands run up and down your sides, around to your back, reading and rereading the muscles under your hot skin. Feel like I can’t wait to get you in me and like I could stand here in the sunlight tasting you forever. I make my way back up your chest, up your jugular, licking with long wet swipes of my tongue. Sweat is beginning to prick my skin, breaking out all over and I taste the same on you and nothing’s ever tasted so good. Suddenly, the words are coming back, spilling out like the sunlight through the windowpanes.
“Want you buried in me,” I manage, pressing my face into your shoulder, rubbing my cheek against smooth skin, mumbling through the haze of heat, “want to feel you everywhere.”
Karl: Your touches on me, your hot mouth exploring me, your words, your body under my hands . . . all undoing me. Stifling a groan, trying to regain my balance, I put your hands to your sides and kneel at your feet, helping you get your shoes off. I run my hands up the outsides of your legs, still in your jeans, before moving to the center and getting them open. I look up at your, meeting your eyes with the want in mine and lick my own lips, before burying my face against your crotch. I slide your jeans down, nuzzling into your silk covered hardness while you step out of them. Your boxers follow and I wrap my arms around your hips, closing my eyes and pressing my face against your cock, holding you tightly while I revel in the warmth and smell of you.
Pulling back slightly, I meet your eyes again and hold them while I stick my tongue out to capture the moisture on your tip. Fuck, the taste of you has me groaning again and much as I'd like to have you shooting down my throat, I decide to save it for another time. I stand up and kiss you, backing you up until your knees hit the bed. I let you go and watch while you settle yourself on the pillows, fuck . . . seeing you like that on my bed.
"Beautiful," I tell you honestly, meeting your eyes again. I grope in my pack and put the lube and condoms on the bed, and then I hesitate. But then I unsnap my jeans, letting you watch me while I shove them off. Once naked, I force myself to stand up straight, to let you look all you want, feeling exposed here in this clear sunlight, different from the protective darkness of the last time.
But then I can't hold back anymore, can't wait to pull you against me. I get on the bed with you, rolling you under me, taking your mouth again, hungrily, ravishing you. Finally, when we are both twisting and panting, I let your mouth go and reach for the lube, getting a good blob of it on my fingers. I trail my thumb down your torso, watching your eyes while I skim over your cock, and then my fingers find your hole. My lubed fingers circle it slowly, pressing down lightly, looking into your eyes to see what you like, what you want me to do to you. I want to watch your reactions while I explore you.
Sean: You’re curved over me, teasing me and I can’t take my eyes off you. Opening my legs wider, I give you more room and your finger eases inside, right up to the knuckle. My head drops back on your pillow, mouth falling open, and it’s your name tumbling off my lips.
Fucking hell,, I’m rocking my hips, moving on you and god, our gazes are joined just as your finger has joined my body and I feel you inside, stroking. I moan, wanting to give you everything you’re looking for, wanting to tell you that but all I can manage is your name and the occasional curse, and then I’m arching into you, bucking as another finger slides home.
You drop a kiss against my chest, all the while keeping our gazes locked and christ, feels so intimate, so private and the whole world falls away and there’s nothing but your touch, your gaze, and I want this so much. My entire body shudders as I feel a third long finger enter me, and goddamn, I’m unraveling, coming apart.
You begin thrusting, pushing deep then pulling out only to push back in and I get a hand on you, fingers curling hard around your arm where you’re propped up over me, my other hand reaching up, searching for something hold on to. I find the headboard and latch down, using the leverage to sink down more fully on your hand.
You’re fucking me with your lube-slick fingers and I’m panting, chest heaving, body rocking and you’re making it feel so intensely amazing with just your hand, I don’t know if I’m going to survive your cock. Want you so much, you taking me, and fucking hell, the pleasure and the emotions swirling in me have to be plain in my eyes.
Your beautiful dark ones are still on me, watching and learning and I want to tell you what I’m beginning to understand . . . that you make me feel safe, safe enough to just let go, to fucking hand my body over to you like I did the last time, but I can’t speak. Can barely think in a straight line with what you’re doing to me, feel enveloped by you, your heat, the care you’re taking with driving me mad. So, I tell you what I’m feeling with my body, my noises, my eyes, trusting that the words will come later when I need them.
Karl: You were so tight when I started this, but as I've gradually opened you, you've relaxed and you body is working with me, fuck giving in to me, taking my fingers into you, greedily sucking them in, while you thrust against me. All my fantasizing and dreaming over the last two weeks got no where close to the reality of having you in my hands like this, getting you ready to take my cock. Oh, bloody hell, I want to sink into you, to feel this around my dick. But the way you feel on my fingers, like I hold your life in my hands somehow, I feel like you are something so precious that I can't bear to let you go.
But finally the messages from my cock start to get overwhelming and I know that if I'm going to be any good to either of us, I need to stop this. You are making indescribable noises, that are going straight to my cock, your pupils so dilated that the color doesn't show anymore, and everything about you is pushing me beyond reason.
I kneel up between your legs, getting the condom on while I watch your eyes. I wonder if you'd prefer to go the other way, but I decide that I want to see your eyes the entire time we're joined.
"Ready?" I have no doubt that your body is fully ready for me, but I want to give you the chance to ask for something more if you need it, but you nod and pull your knees up, and fuck I've never seen anything so erotic as you opening yourself up for me like that. My hands aren't quite steady as I get more lube on me, but I want to be sure I don't hurt you, be sure that this goes smooth and easy for you.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I position myself and then push against you. And you let me in, sliding into you while you welcome me home and all at once I'm balls deep in you and I can barely breathe.
"Sean," I moan raggedly, stilling inside you, telling myself that I'm letting you adjust to me, when it's me who needs to adjust to your searing heat gripping me.
Sean: Holding myself ready for you, have never felt more open, more exposed for anyone. And there’s no doubt, no worry because this, you hot against me, this, your eyes holding mine as you slide inside, is what I want and god, I’m moaning, taking in gasping breaths at the feel of you easing home.
You look into me, eyes so dark, and fucking christ, you’re hilt deep, balls snug against my body. A tremor runs through you and I answer it with one of my own. You prepared me slowly and thoroughly and it was easy for you to push inside and you feel fucking huge in me now as you hold yourself still. I’m blinking, drawing in a shaky breath at the stretch, my body adjusting around your hard, long length and when you moan my name, my need amps up even higher and that shouldn’t be possible, but is.
Gently, I let my legs go, sliding them as high around your waist as I can get them, hooking my ankles together behind you. The motion changes your angle so slightly inside me and I think we’re both moaning at the sensation. Getting my hands on you I card my fingers through your hair, brushing it back from your face, tucking it behind your ears because, yeah, I want to see your face as you fuck me. My hands travel down, sliding over your hot, sweat-wet skin, raking down your back and I’m wrapping myself as tight around you as possible, lost in your eyes, your body, in the undiluted desire that’s claimed me, in you claiming me, and god, maybe we’re claiming each other . . .
You’re holding yourself over me, bathed in sunlight, gorgeous cock buried deep and it seems like hours since you mounted me, and christ, I want you fucking me, want you to take what you want. Can’t stay still, and my hips rock once, twice before I can get myself under control though I’m shaking with the effort.
“Karl, . . . ” and now the words finally come tumbling out, “you’re so fucking beautiful, need you moving, love, want you so deep I feel you in my fucking throat, want you to take everything you want, just do it . . . ”
Karl: My body is held to tightly in the clasp of yours, you surround me everywhere. I feel so outrageously good that I'm almost afraid to move, afraid to destroy this connection. But I can't resist you, your words wrap around me like your flesh has.
One stroke, out and back in, testing our reactions, to see how we move together. A few more and I grip your hips, tightly, shifting you around, finding the best angle for both of us. You hiss and buck against me, letting me know how it feels for you, and once again, your responsiveness delights me, makes me want to give you all the more of my body, of myself.
And the way you are twisting under me, it snaps the last of my control and I'm just gone, my hips moving raggedly, slamming into you with long, fast strokes, riding you into the bed. And, fuck, you're meeting my thrusts, taking everything I'm giving you, giving it back to me a thousand times. I'm beyond thinking, beyond reason, drowning in your golden heat. We move together as one and I don't know how long we've been like this, riding our desires, it feels like we've been locked together like this forever.
The pressure builds up in my balls, swirling outward and I'm losing it, losing myself in you. "Sean . . . please." I'm begging you, pleading with you to take your pleasure, because I'm falling too hard.
"Fuck. Can't last." I grit my teeth, willing the orgasm away, knowing I should stop, or slow down, but you've got me now and I can't. "Want to see you. Fuck, come for me. Please. Want to watch."
I lock eyes with you, never stopping my hips pounding into you. Your tongue is out, your hair is sticking to your face in wet clumps, and your breath is coming harsh through your lips. Your eyes are so green, catching the sunlight. Beautiful Sean.
Sean: I’m writhing on your cock, under your weight, totally engulfed in the hunger of wanting you and I buck, meeting your thrusts, shoving myself down on you even more fully. My legs twine around you, hands moving over your skin however they can, clutching you to me as you ride.
Fucking hell, I’m moaning as you grab my hips, adjusting our bodies, thrusts finding my very core and it’s too much. Pinned under you, entire body on fire, I’m lost in the feeling of your cock going so deep, driving me mad and I respond to your every stroke, your every touch with everything I have. Your rhythm changes, I’m gasping your name, anchoring you to me with my hands and legs and you’re pounding me, and yes-yes-yes, I glory in your strength fucking me into the bed, vaguely recognizing the sound of the headboard steadily slapping the wall.
It seems to go on for hours, you pumping in again and again and you’ve got me, my cock is hard, aching, trapped between us in the hot friction of our rocking bodies and I’m looking into your eyes, pushed right to the edge by your loving and then your words, fuck, your words push me over. You don’t even have to put a hand on my cock, all it takes is the look in your eyes, your voice, and fuck yeah, I want to come with you watching.
The intense pleasure you’re giving me is laying me bare and you push in, so hard, and the joy of it explodes hot and fierce inside me. My arse clenches down around your cock and my fingers curl hard into your flesh as I bow up off the bed, crying out your name, desperate with pleasure. Our gazes are locked and I can’t look away, can’t even close my eyes against the feelings slamming through me because I feel you fucking me through my release, chasing your own and I need to watch you, too.
You shove in, rooted deep inside and yes, I want you to follow me down, drown with me in the waves of desire.
Karl: I see it in your eyes before I feel it in your body, before I feel the hot liquid splashing between us. And I never thought I'd see something as breathtakingly stunning as the look in your eyes while you fall apart in my arms. Barely clinging to my own sanity, I keep moving, but then I can't take it anymore.
I give in to the feelings, give in to you, my hips slamming into you, jolting against you, as I hunch my back up and yell your name. But I can't look away from you either, and I let you see what this is doing to me, let you watch the waves of pleasure breaking over me as I push into you, coming so hard I'm trying to crawl into you.
Riding through the aftershocks, I keep spasming into you until it finally dies away. I want to collapse on top of you, but I pull out slowly, not wanting to lose your intense heat. I get rid of the frenchie, and lie back in bed with you, not caring that we're both coated in sweat, I just want to touch you, to wind my arms around you and have you holding me.
I trace the lines of your face with my fingers, liking the calm sated look in your eyes, liking that I put it there. And I like knowing that I've got the same look on my face and you're responsible for it.
"Bloody amazing." And I'm smiling again, a soft happy smile.
Sean: Having you come in me is the most fucking gorgeous thing I’ve seen, heard, felt. Your cock’s pulsing inside as I watch your face, beautiful passion-dark eyes showing me everything. I tighten my inner muscles, wanting to make it so good for you. You stay curved over me for long moments as I run my hands over you, stroking, soothing as you come down, cock softening inside me. When you pull slowly out I can’t stop the disappointed sound that leaves me, and lying back, I just breathe, watching you peel off the condom and then you’re next to me again, fingers tracing over my face, my eyelashes fluttering against your fingertips.
Feel so relaxed, so sated in your aftermath and I sink into the feeling of gratefulness of having had this with you, and there’s more moving in me, but I don’t try and name it. My come is on both of us where our bellies slid together and I can’t bring myself to clean it away just yet. I fit myself against you in a way that’s become familiar. I can’t stop looking at you, an immensely satisfied smile on my face, and I’m wondering if we should talk, or something, because I want more of this, whatever this, is. My hand traces over your flat belly, fingers rubbing my seed into your skin and feels like the easiest thing I’ve ever done, just lying here touching you in such a way.
My smile widens into an unrepentant, pleased grin. “Amazing is the word, christ, Karl, you’re so fucking beautiful . . . ” I trail off, face going warm and after what I just shared with you, this is what brings me to blushing? I don’t care though, and moving up press my mouth against yours, wanting to tell you how brilliant you were, are, with something other than just words. I pull you tight, kissing you sloppily, lazily, drinking you in.
Pulling back a bit breathless, I’m still grinning because, god, me arse is throbbing. I press my face into your neck, chuckling a little, breathing in the scent of your sweat and our sex. “Made good on your promise, I’d say. Gonna feel you in me for fucking hours.”
Karl: Your comments bring a snort of laughter. Fuck, it's so good with you, so easy to do this, being able to laugh together like this. Even when my hormones aren't raging out of control, and that says something about the way we match each other. I don't want to read too much into this, it's enough that you're here with me for now.
"Next time, you do me," I mumble around your mouth. And I hope to hell there's a next time.
We spend a long time just kissing easily, touching, hands stroking over sated bodies. You're curled right up against me, and fuck, I wonder if the rest of the world knows what a cuddler Sean Bean is. I feel like I've been given a privileged look at a secret that no one else knows. But I'm enjoying every moment of it and I can't help wondering if you're planning on more.
I shift us around so that I can look at your eyes again. "Don't know exactly what you had in mind here, but you've got your own room if you want it. I mean, I'm not saying you can't . . . I didn't know . . . we didn't talk." I rake an agitated hand through my hair, not understanding how I can feel so completely relaxed around you, but still sometimes you turn me into a fumbling boy again.
"Bloody hell, I'm making a mess of this." I cup a hand around the curve of your shoulder, my thumb tracing sleek muscles, the motion soothing me. "I'd like to sleep with you, but if you don't want it, you don't have to. Your choice, I'll be fine either way."
Which is a fucking lie, but I'm not going to try to pressure you into something you're not ready to do.
Sean: My hand comes to rest on your hip, fingers absently drawing slow circles against your warm skin, unconsciously mirroring your touch on my shoulder. You’re making me smile again, the offer to sleep with you touching a desire in me that’s gone unvoiced. I'm glad it's one we share, as I’d honestly not even thought of leaving, actually, and the feelings rising inside have me moving, pressing warm, gentle kisses along your neck and jaw and I can’t seem to get enough of you, even after having had you so deep inside.
I card my fingers through your hair, moving down your neck, the touch of my lips and hands light and soothing and once I’ve started I don’t want to stop, so I don’t, but keep moving lower and lower, sliding down your body. I brush kisses over your nipples, paying special attention to the one with the ring, then down to your toned belly, and not even hesitating, begin licking the proof of my pleasure off you. You shift a little restlessly, and my eyes drift up as I swipe my tongue over your firm belly, our eyes meeting and I watch you watching me as I get you clean, and as I finish, I feel it, that connection with you, and my breath rushes out, feathering warm on your skin.
It’s always been there, I think, in one form or another but I feel it as clearly now as when you were buried balls deep inside me. Sliding back up your body I rest against your side, my hand smoothing up your chest, just soaking in your scent, your feel, your body heat. Christ, you make the words fall together in my mind so readily, you make me want to give them so easily. Settling against you more fully, I say, “Want to stay, want to sleep wrapped up in you,” I nuzzle your neck, press my smile against you and my voice is husky and low as I promise, “yeah, going to fuck you, next time.”
Karl: Oh shit, you moving over me like this is gonna get me going again. You acting like a cat again, fuck, you're so bloody sensual, I can't think straight. "Typhoon Sean," I laugh softly, maybe I'll explain that some day, but your promise in that low voice sends lightning skittering along my spine and if I hadn't just come I think I'd be up again.
Okay, one time was maybe just loneliness and horniness, two times . . . maybe because we've been apart for two weeks. But to do it again, to sleep together again, that's not nothing anymore and I pull you in tighter.
"Something I need to tell you, then." I stick my nose in your hair, letting the strands tickle, inhaling your clean scent, and trying to gather my courage. "I did something really bad and it still gives me nightmares . . . screaming clawing ones."
Resisting the urge to get dressed, to hide myself from you, I'm still holding you, alert from any sign of you stiffening, pulling away, ready to let you go instantly. I swallow, fighting against my fear. "Not as much as it did. That gang I told you about . . . they hurt someone I cared about and he almost died."
Deciding to get it all out, I plow on. "I went after them, thinking that they deserved to die. That was wrong. It wasn't my decision to make, but I found that if you go out thinking you're going to kill someone then you'll get your wish." I spare a thought for Gareth and Jay, hoping that wherever they are, they're safe together and that whatever happened to Jay that night didn't damage him permanently.
"One of them tried to kill me, except . . . I killed him first. I'm not saying it was wrong to defend myself, I'm not stupid. But I went into that fight thinking that I had the right to decide who got to live and who got to die. That's where I fucked up."
I can't bear to look at you, afraid to see the condemnation in your eyes. And even if you don't hate me for it, I know it's a lot to take in.
Sean: Resting against your chest I can’t see your face, so I stay still in your tight embrace, listening to your quiet voice. When you’re done I feel the tension in you, I think you’re waiting for me to decide something, but really, I can’t think past, one of them tried to kill me, and fucking hell, someone tried to kill you!
Fuck, want to run my hands over every inch of you, just to make sure you’re truly all right, and the instinct gets me moving. Pulling away, I lean up enough to see your face, get a look at your eyes.
“Jesus christ, Karl,” is all I say, and I open my mouth to say more, to ask who your friend was that you nearly died for, to ask what the hell actually went on, but you’re watching me with something close to trepidation, and the questions fall away. You could’ve been killed, and I’d have never known the way your arms fit about me, your taste, your heat and your brilliance. I shift against you, trying to get closer and the movement sends a twinge through my arse, and christ, I might never have known the feel of you inside me.
My hand finds yours and I bring it to my mouth, kissing the backs of your fingers and fucking hell, I keep thinking that I don’t want to name this that’s between us and maybe I’m not ready to yet, but it is something important, something more than attraction. It’s heat and passion, want and need, friendship and easy companionship and maybe the start of more . . . it’s something I don’t want to lose, and the thought that I might have been denied you cuts deep enough to scare me.
I’m watching your eyes as I turn your hand over, kissing the palm, as I draw your arm around me again and move up your body. Never breaking your gaze, I take your face in my hands and the words, like so often with you, just come to me. “Going to take more than nightmares to put me off, want to stay with you.”
I seal my mouth over yours, asking for your heat, needing it, hoping that I’m giving you the answer you want and leaving my questions for later.
Karl: Relief floods through me as you take my hand, as I understand that you aren't going to condemn me. I watch you while you kiss my fingers, stunned by the tenderness of the gesture and confused by the look in your eyes. And for once I didn't fuck up, I put my trust in you and I was right to do it. I'm safe with you. And fuck, the list of people who make me feel that way is the shortest list of all.
As you cover me with your body, I start to feel the small tentative beginnings of hope . . . that maybe this thing between us will turn into something special, that maybe you're someone I can put my faith in. And I tighten my arms around you, nearly trembling in reaction to the release of my fears. I don't have any words to tell you how much your acceptance means to me. But when your mouth covers mine, I try to let you know what I'm feeling, giving you everything you ask for and more.
We pull apart again, and the happy smile is back on my face. "Brave man, Sean." Desire for you is still running through me, but it's banked into a warm fire at the moment, though I consider never letting you out of bed. Or clothes, we've got no need for them. Keep you here forever, wearing nothing but sunlight.
"I'm glad you're staying. Fuck, I'm glad." I struggle for words again, but I think you've got to see it in my eyes, as my arms tighten around you again. The comfort that I find around you has taken another dimension, now I've told you my worst fear and you didn't flinch from it.
Sean: Responding to the warmth in your eyes, I settle against you as the tension flows from you, reveling in the feel of your skin against mine and giving you a sleepy smile. I’m content, and tired, brilliantly so, and as true as that is there’s still a current of desire running through me that’s become a familiar constant when I’m near you. There’s more here too, a sense of rightness that’s becoming a part of the desire that you bring in me so easily, and I recognize what that might mean.
Feeling so heavy, I rest my cheek on your shoulder, letting my hand stroke slowly over your belly, just resting in the moment and beginning to drift. This, I could get used to, could start to expect, falling asleep next to you, skin to skin. Bloody hell, but I could get used to this, and maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking in those terms this soon, but fuck, there it is . . . but I don’t feel pressured to do anything about it, yet. Don’t feel as if I have to have everything figured out, every emotion identified and labeled. I feel as if it’s all right to just enjoy you, enjoy this, and let the rest work itself out in its own time.
Maybe I’m dreaming, am about to run headlong into a huge, awkward mess, wouldn’t be the first time, but I can’t bring myself to care much. Not when your chest is rising and falling evenly underneath my cheek, when your arms are wrapped around me, and it’s brilliantly easy to just rest against you as if I belonged, and not worry. Worry can come later, when you’re not so close, not so warm.
NC-17
