Getting Drunk with Bernard

[horseboykarl]

Karl: I eventually get tired of laying in bed and I get up and start puttering around the house. I look at the calendar . . . Shit! I'm an asshole! I flip through my address book and finally find the number.

"Hello, Bernard old man, your notorious fictional nephew is back in town and idiot that I am, I missed your birthday. Let me treat you to your favorite restaurant, please?"

After all the shit that has gone down since I hit town, I could really use a night with my friend.



Bernard: "Karl, you rascal! Read my mind you did, was just about to harass Dave for your number," I chuckle, "ah, don't worry about missing my birthday, old boy, just marks another year gone by without dying. But would love to have dinner with you tonight," I suddenly remember the state Jay was in yesterday, and decide to be graceful about this, "what time would you like me to pick you up?" If you got banged up as badly as he did, I have feeling you'll be in no mood to drive.


Karl: I read all sorts of information in your offer to pick me up. You know about the fight and you know I'm hurt. Jay, you must have talked to Jay. And I'm not the one who has to tell you that your son almost got the shit beat out of him.

Just hearing your voice and I'm overwhelmingly glad to be home no matter what kind of crap is going on now.

"You have no idea how perfect that offer is! About seven? And do I need to make reservations?"

Bernard: "Seven sounds dandy. And as for reservations," I think for a second--remembering that the last time we had dinner we went to a steak house, and I spent the meal eating baked potatoes as you had a steak the size of a buckler-- a slow, mischievous smile creeps across my face, "I'll call around and get us a table in town. Rest up, my friend, and I'll be there in a few hours."

I'm at Karl's door by seven o'clock sharp, and I brace myself to see his normally handsome face as battered and bruised as Jay's was. So I'm incredibly relived when he opens the door with a grin, and I see no major damage on him…well, at least that's noticeable. So I refrain from hugging him unless he makes a move first, and instead extend my hand, "Karl, old boy! It's so good to see you again!"

Karl: OK, this will be the first time I've had clothes on in a couple of days. Should be interesting. Much as I'd like to wear a pair of skin-tight jeans, the thought of wrestling on a pair of them makes me shudder. I opt for some lightweight khakis and forgo the underwear, which I do mostly anyway. I put on a button-up faded denim shirt, because there's no way in hell I'm going to manage something that goes over my head. Not without screaming.

I slide my feet into some sandals to save myself from bending over and then it's seven on the dot and my doorbell is ringing. Bernard, on time as always.

The sight of you on my doorstep makes me want to hurl myself into your arms and lay all my troubles on you. My surrogate father.

You put out a hand to shake and I'm startled. No hug? But then I remember your earlier tact.

I step in to you and say, "Hug me, please, just do it lightly. My ribs are bunged up."

You do as I ask and then help me get settled in your car. I feel like I'm twice as old as you are.

"Where are we going?"


Bernard: I can feel the tension in your body ease a bit as I hug you gingerly, and I'll admit it concerns me to see you like this. Perhaps I've gotten too used to seeing you at your strongest, but sometimes we all just need a hug at one point or another, and I'm glad I can be here to help.

You're already looking a little better by the time we get into the car, and when you ask where we're going I flash you a grin, "well, I truly, truly considered taking you to Aunty Mena's Vegetarian Café, but I found something, much, much better." I snicker a bit at the look on your face, but decide to take pity on you, "we're going to the Tugboat on Oriental Bay. Seafood. Hideous nautical themes. Has a dish called
the "Mystery Seafood Bounty," very classy." I wink at you as I drive towards the bay, "hope you don't get sea sick, Karl!"

Karl: I've never heard of this place. Sea sick? Well, seafood I can handle, as long as you don't take me too one of your nasty vegetarian places. Ugh.

You drive down to the bay and park and I burst out laughing. "It's on a tugboat!"

My step is as jaunty as I can manage without straining my ribs and I'm grinning at you.

"Old man, this is perfect! And I think I'll try the Mystery Seafood Bounty! How bad can it be?"

Bernard: "Brave, brave man!" I laugh as you try to swagger, your wounds making it look like a limping gait, "I think I'll stick to lobster myself."

I had arranged for us to have a table by a window, and the view over the bay is spectacular, the sky still lavender as the lights from the neighboring boats peer through the growing darkness. It's only when our drinks arrive that it really hits me who I'm here with, and my smile is as bright as one of those lights and I lean forward a bit, "damn, but it's good to see you again, Karl! What have you been up to these past months?"

Karl: I feel truly peaceful here with you in the warm darkness, so when you ask how I've been, I give you the highlights, Riddick, Bourne, my time in LA, how it felt to be gone from the country I was born in for almost a year.

But then because it's you, I tell you the low parts too.

"I suppose you heard about this from Jay?" I gesture to my ribs. "They were some sort of fucked-up Tolkien fanboys and I don't know what the hell is going on."

I sigh. You are probably the only person I can tell about my asshole other half from Rohan "And then there's Éomer. He shifted in when I couldn't defend myself, then took us out to play with some club kid. I can't tell you how much I hate that fucker."

I take a big swig of beer. "I wish I knew how to stop the shifting permanently."

But I shrug and smile at you. "Sorry, Bernard, being a downer and all. This is supposed to be your birthday. It's your own fault for being so bloody easy to talk to. Tell me, what have you been up to?"

Bernard: "Yes, Jay told me about the fight," I sigh, "thank god you all made it out in one piece." I give you a meaningful look, "thank you Karl. I know you didn't mean to be there, but, well, if you hadn't been there…I doubt it would have come out so well for those two."

I'm surprised, though, when you so bluntly admit to your shifting, and even more surprised by the vehemence of your hatred for your other half. I raise an eyebrow at you, "took you out on a night on the town? Do hope he had the good sense to use a rubber. But then again, not many of those lying about Edoras I would imagine…" I give you a pointed look, hoping you take my meaning with me bluntly having to tell you what risk your shift has put you at. Our shifts have never been very good at looking out for our better interests, have they?

And then it's my turn, and the smile I give you is only partially forced. I'm sure you've already heard what happened to me if you've talked to any other of the shifters in Wellie, but then again, you may not. Might as well spill.

So over dinner I tell you about the past year, about the stuck shift with Théoden, about his stay in the mental hospital, about my stay in the mental hospital, about Jay's decision to move to Zid from New York, and finally, about Claudia and Gabriel moving back to England...without a word from either since.

"I tell you mate, it's been one hell of a year."

Karl: I feel my mouth dropping open as you relate the hell your shift has put you through and all the other stuff that has happened to you. It puts my anger with Éomer into perspective, makes it seems childish and petty. After all he's only gotten me involved in random fighting and fucking, and I'm pretty sure from the evidence that he used protection for the latter. And he got me arrested just that one time.

"Well, blow me down! I guess it could be worse, at least Éomer is sane, well, by Middle Earth standards anyway, not sure about here and now."

I raise my bottle, "To a better year!"

You agree and we clink.

"Fuck it, old man! Let's get shit-faced!"

Bernard: "To a much, much better year," I smile as I clink my wine glass to your beer, a sparkle in my eye, "that shall begin with a massive hangover tomorrow." Sod it. Been ages since I've been tossed beyond belief, and a night of binge drinking with one of my good friends might be what I need to put a little life back in me after yesterday. Not going to think about Claudia. Or Gabriel. Or Théoden. Or Jay's bruised face. All I'm going to think about is how many drinks it's going to take before we're both laughing like a couple of fools, reliving old stories and talking of better, simpler times. You were always the one who could make me feel years younger, and tonight is no exception as the first shots hit the table, the waiter eying us warily as we grin. This is going to be fun. And despite your rocky homecoming, I've got to admit it's grand to have you back with us. "Welcome home, Karl," I clink my shot glass to yours, "we've missed you, you crazy bastard."