horseboykarl: (frowning demons)
Sid was as good as his word, and I have a pile of scripts and story treatments on my table. Sorting through them, evaluating them, trying to picture them in my head . . . all of that has kept my mind busy and my memories at bay.

There’s only one bloody problem with this pile, though. They’re all some variation of characters I’ve played before. Some badass or another on one side or another, killing his way through anyone who gets in his way.

After what I’ve seen and what I’ve done, I don’t think I can play a bloke like that right at the moment. I’ve committed myself to Outlander already, but I hope by October I can manage that role. It hurts, thinking that one of the attractive things about that project is that it’s filming here, in Zid and I took it so I wouldn’t have to leave Eric. I push him out of my mind and continue to go over sheets.

So after I put all of the pages that creep me out in the ‘no’ pile there’s only one left. This one has possibilities. There’s a note on it from Sid that reads, “They like your physical presence on screen, but they’re not sure you can also do sensitive and sexy. I sent them the extended edition of Return of the King, but they want to do a screen test with you to see if there’s any heat between you and DiCaprio. If you’re agreeable, I’ll set it up.”

I tap the pages thoughtfully against the cast on my palm. Good thing I started growing my hair out again, it’ll have to be long for this one. This director could really change things for me, but I’ve never met him before and I’m not sure how to approach the audition. He’s offbeat and his movies are surreal and I’ve got no bloody idea how to handle him.

Luckily, I do know someone who has worked for him that I can call for advice. And maybe it’s time I started reaching out for my friends, not to burden them with my problems, but just to reassure myself that they’re still there. If nothing else, that ride with Jay showed me that holing up like I have been has just been hurting me worse.

Don’t need to look this number up. “Dave?” )

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horseboykarl

February 2011

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