Aftermath (Théo/Éomer)
May. 5th, 2005 08:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
horseboykarlTakes place directly after Unraveling
Éomer: My hair is still damp from the bath and I shift it out of the way as we settle together on your bed. For once, I am having trouble deciding what to do with my arms.
Théo: You have been quieter than usual since we sat together on the couch, and I can feel a little distance between us, which pulls at my heart. When you do not pull me to you as we lie together on the bed, I know we have to talk. I sit cross-legged at your side, looking at you with a small smile. "Mer, tell me what is wrong? Have I done something to hurt you?"
Éomer: I am surprised. "No! Of course not. I just . . . I see why you did not want me to tie you down. It is easy to make a mistake if one loses focus." My handprints are still clearly visible on your wrists, and you have never injured me in our play. "I am sorry."
Théo: "Mistake?" My brow furrows as I listen to your words, realisation dawning. "You did not make any mistakes, and have nothing to apologise for." I reach out and stroke your arm, my voice growing softer. "That is not why I did not want you to tie me down."
Éomer: Your touch steadies me and I relax a little. I barely brush my fingers over the marks on your wrist. "I hurt you." The one person I would never want to harm. "But if you were not concerned about my lack of skill in this area . . . "
Théo: "You did not hurt me." How can I admit to you what I can hardly admit to myself? Yet I cannot let you continue to think you did anything wrong. "It is not your lack of skill ..." I take my hand away from your arm, and put it in my lap. "I have never ..."
Éomer: I do not understand you and that frightens me, and I cannot bear to lose contact with you. And I cannot bear this distance between us. I wrap my arms around you and pull you to me, settling you against my chest and burying my nose in your neck. I let out a long breath. the familiar scent of you, overlaid with soap though it is, reassures me. "Never what, Théo?" I murmur against your skin.
Théo: I let out a ragged breath as your arms enfold me, the familiar feeling of your face in my neck grounding me, and let myself sink into your embrace. "I have never wanted ... never needed ... " The muscles in my back have tensed as I try to explain, and I almost try and squirm out of your grasp, but that would only make things worse, so I take refuge in you instead, pressing myself hard against your chest. "I couldn't ask ... so I pushed you."
Éomer: Pushed me to do what? I have never seen you like this, usually you are so sure and certain. I run a hand up your spine, soothing the knotted muscles, tightening my arms around you, while I try to understand what you are telling me. Oh. You challenged me, knowing how I would react. I am not sure that I like that you manipulated me that way, but I push it aside in the face of your distress. "You wanted me . . . to hold you down? To take away your choice?"
Théo: "Yes." One word. Was that so hard? Harder than I ever knew possible, and before I can stop myself, I do squirm away, needing distance, needing to move. "Always, I have been in control, in every aspect of my life. It was expected of me, yes, but it was also part of who I was. When I discovered that others like to be controlled for their pleasure, it came naturally to me, and I took my pleasure from giving them what they wanted. I understood why they enjoyed it, but never wanted it for myself, ever. And then I come here and I find you ..." I stop my pacing and smile at you, knowing that by now you must be thinking I have lost my mind.
"You once asked me if you could return the favour. I never expected that you would want to ... and I did not expect your question to open up a sliver of possibility in my mind either and today ..." That perfect memory hits me, and I almost curse at the stirring I feel. "Today, when I put the armbands on you, when you knelt for me, I started to come undone, and when I saw you with the gloves on ... " I hang my head, ashamed of my actions. "I pushed you, goaded you to take my wrists and pin them against the wall because I could not ask you to do it ... because I have never wanted anyone to do that to me before and I did not know how. No matter how much I trust you, and I have never trusted anyone more in my life, I could not say the words." I raise my eyes to meet yours again with a sad smile. "I am sorry."
Éomer: I sit up, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. I think of my own recent realization about this thing and I want to take away that sadness that I see. So I give you truth for truth. “I had told myself that I allowed you to bind me because it made you happy, because I wanted to please you, because you always asked me if I would do it for you. But today, in that room, when you bound me without asking me first, I almost fought you.” I bow my head. “It is a hard thing to admit, but that was when I understood that I want you to do that, want to surrender to you.”
My hands ache to touch you, but you have pulled away and I will let you go. But I smile at you wryly. “I have never asked you for it, either, so we are both fools, for being unable to say what we want.”
Théo "No, not fools, but maybe a little foolish, and me much more so than you." Yes, foolish to think that there was anything I needed to hide from you or could not tell you. Hearing your own revelation helps me, knowing that it was hard too for you to admit your needs to yourself and also to me. Sitting down on the bed close to you, I reach out and touch your arm, smiling warmly. "I should have known I could ask you for anything without being judged, but in the heat of the moment …" My hand works down your arm towards your fingers. "I have never been less than truthful with you before and I am ashamed for using you like I did … can you forgive me?" My fingers reach yours and push hesitatingly between them.
Éomer: My fingers instinctively tighten around yours. I wish that I had known that I was doing what you wanted, perhaps I would have been gentler with you. I stare at our twined fingers. But perhaps not. Perhaps what we did was exactly what we both needed.
“Nothing to forgive, Théo.” I raise our hands to my lips and drop a small kiss on your knuckles. I would do more, but I do not want to spook you again. “Lovemaking is about using one another for pleasure, there is no shame in that. But I think I understand these games of yours better now, and it seems to me that one of us must be in control if the other is to surrender.” I close my eyes, thinking of how easily I could have hurt you much worse than I did. “You must know that I would give you anything that you asked me for, whether it is my loss of control or yours.” I smile at you hopefully.
Théo: Your kiss on my knuckles warms my heart, and I leave my fingers threaded through yours, smiling at your words. "You said you wanted me to teach you, and today I think I gave you a lesson even though I did not realise at the time. You are right. To be in control of another, you must also have control over yourself. The minute someone gives themselves to you, you become responsible for them. But …" When you close your eyes, I know what is going through your mind, and it is important you understand.
"Today was different. Neither of us was in control, and I took your passion, your lust, and moulded it to my own ends." I reach forward, brushing your damp hair back from your face, wanting to close the gap between us, take away the distance. "You did not hurt me, Mer, any pain I felt was so mixed in with passion that it became something else entirely. You are strong, my stallion, with a wild spirit, and to have that focussed on me, as you took what you wanted …" I run my fingers down your cheek, my eyes darkening at the memory. "I know you would give me anything I ask for, and so I am asking you this. Do not ever curb your passion, or hold back when we are together. We have left bruises on each other before and bruises heal, this is no different. I will tell you if you ever go too far, and I will trust you to do the same." I move closer, my hand slipping onto your neck. "Being with you is like riding a storm, or being tossed around in the ocean, and I do not ever want to lose that."
Éomer: Your hand is warm and strong on my neck, and I give into the urge to move closer. At your words, I feel something inside me ease that I had not realized was there. I had been needlessly afraid, I see now. You want me as I am. I grin at you happily. “That is good, for I do not know any other way to be. Especially not with you. I have never felt so free to set my passions loose as I do when I am with you. There is no one I trust more than I do you.”
I bring my hand to your shoulder, my thumb circling over the curve of muscle at there. Your hand moves to the back of my neck, soothing away the last of the tension you find there. I lower my head, relaxing under your touch.
Théo: My fingers work on your muscles, until the stiffness has left them. I thread both my hands through your golden hair, placing a kiss on your bowed head before raising your face to mine. That spark is back in your eyes, doubt banished and I smile as I brush my lips over yours. As you relax, your knees straighten, and I climb into your lap, my legs on either side of your hips, my arms wrapping round your neck, letting out a sigh as your arms fold around me. My hands tangle in your hair as it ripples down your back and you bury your face in my neck.
"You became my rock, my strength, well before we met here, and even more so now, and that will never change." I murmur into you hair.
Éomer: You fit into my arms so well, so familiarly, that the last of my tension leaves me as you settle against me and your legs enfold me. “Then I would that I could continue to be that for you, and never a burden, to take your burdens instead.” As much as I can, I will take, anything to make your life smoother.
My hair moves a little from the soft brush of your breath. My hands drift down the graceful sweep of your spine and I rest my lips on your neck, and I breathe in the taste and smell of you, smiling against your warm skin.
Théo: "You could never be a burden, my love, never." I murmur, sighing at the touch of your mouth. I silently swear that never again will I do anything to make you doubt yourself, and if that means having to face my own self doubt, I will do so knowing that I have your strength behind me.
I pull back a little, looking in your eyes as I brush my lips over yours and place a little pressure on your shoulders. "Lie with me? Sleep with me?"
Éomer: The pressure of your hands on my shoulders sends me down into the comfort of the pillows, and I wrap my arms around you, bringing you with me. Our legs entwine and I curl into you, draping one arm around your waist. "Yes," I breathe into your mouth, your lips hovering over mine.
I relax in the comfort of your body so close to me, our lips still touching lightly, your hand twisted in my hair. You bring me so much, peace and passion, laughter and lust and love, everything I ever imagined was possible with a lover and more.
Théo: Wrapped up in you like this, there is no need for further thought. I let myself sink into the deep contentment I always find at the end of our days together.
My fingers play through the strands of your hair, our lips touching every now and then and as I finally give in to the need to sleep, it is as if we melt together, a smile on my face as I look forward to the luxury of waking in your arms in the morning.
Éomer: My hair is still damp from the bath and I shift it out of the way as we settle together on your bed. For once, I am having trouble deciding what to do with my arms.
Théo: You have been quieter than usual since we sat together on the couch, and I can feel a little distance between us, which pulls at my heart. When you do not pull me to you as we lie together on the bed, I know we have to talk. I sit cross-legged at your side, looking at you with a small smile. "Mer, tell me what is wrong? Have I done something to hurt you?"
Éomer: I am surprised. "No! Of course not. I just . . . I see why you did not want me to tie you down. It is easy to make a mistake if one loses focus." My handprints are still clearly visible on your wrists, and you have never injured me in our play. "I am sorry."
Théo: "Mistake?" My brow furrows as I listen to your words, realisation dawning. "You did not make any mistakes, and have nothing to apologise for." I reach out and stroke your arm, my voice growing softer. "That is not why I did not want you to tie me down."
Éomer: Your touch steadies me and I relax a little. I barely brush my fingers over the marks on your wrist. "I hurt you." The one person I would never want to harm. "But if you were not concerned about my lack of skill in this area . . . "
Théo: "You did not hurt me." How can I admit to you what I can hardly admit to myself? Yet I cannot let you continue to think you did anything wrong. "It is not your lack of skill ..." I take my hand away from your arm, and put it in my lap. "I have never ..."
Éomer: I do not understand you and that frightens me, and I cannot bear to lose contact with you. And I cannot bear this distance between us. I wrap my arms around you and pull you to me, settling you against my chest and burying my nose in your neck. I let out a long breath. the familiar scent of you, overlaid with soap though it is, reassures me. "Never what, Théo?" I murmur against your skin.
Théo: I let out a ragged breath as your arms enfold me, the familiar feeling of your face in my neck grounding me, and let myself sink into your embrace. "I have never wanted ... never needed ... " The muscles in my back have tensed as I try to explain, and I almost try and squirm out of your grasp, but that would only make things worse, so I take refuge in you instead, pressing myself hard against your chest. "I couldn't ask ... so I pushed you."
Éomer: Pushed me to do what? I have never seen you like this, usually you are so sure and certain. I run a hand up your spine, soothing the knotted muscles, tightening my arms around you, while I try to understand what you are telling me. Oh. You challenged me, knowing how I would react. I am not sure that I like that you manipulated me that way, but I push it aside in the face of your distress. "You wanted me . . . to hold you down? To take away your choice?"
Théo: "Yes." One word. Was that so hard? Harder than I ever knew possible, and before I can stop myself, I do squirm away, needing distance, needing to move. "Always, I have been in control, in every aspect of my life. It was expected of me, yes, but it was also part of who I was. When I discovered that others like to be controlled for their pleasure, it came naturally to me, and I took my pleasure from giving them what they wanted. I understood why they enjoyed it, but never wanted it for myself, ever. And then I come here and I find you ..." I stop my pacing and smile at you, knowing that by now you must be thinking I have lost my mind.
"You once asked me if you could return the favour. I never expected that you would want to ... and I did not expect your question to open up a sliver of possibility in my mind either and today ..." That perfect memory hits me, and I almost curse at the stirring I feel. "Today, when I put the armbands on you, when you knelt for me, I started to come undone, and when I saw you with the gloves on ... " I hang my head, ashamed of my actions. "I pushed you, goaded you to take my wrists and pin them against the wall because I could not ask you to do it ... because I have never wanted anyone to do that to me before and I did not know how. No matter how much I trust you, and I have never trusted anyone more in my life, I could not say the words." I raise my eyes to meet yours again with a sad smile. "I am sorry."
Éomer: I sit up, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. I think of my own recent realization about this thing and I want to take away that sadness that I see. So I give you truth for truth. “I had told myself that I allowed you to bind me because it made you happy, because I wanted to please you, because you always asked me if I would do it for you. But today, in that room, when you bound me without asking me first, I almost fought you.” I bow my head. “It is a hard thing to admit, but that was when I understood that I want you to do that, want to surrender to you.”
My hands ache to touch you, but you have pulled away and I will let you go. But I smile at you wryly. “I have never asked you for it, either, so we are both fools, for being unable to say what we want.”
Théo "No, not fools, but maybe a little foolish, and me much more so than you." Yes, foolish to think that there was anything I needed to hide from you or could not tell you. Hearing your own revelation helps me, knowing that it was hard too for you to admit your needs to yourself and also to me. Sitting down on the bed close to you, I reach out and touch your arm, smiling warmly. "I should have known I could ask you for anything without being judged, but in the heat of the moment …" My hand works down your arm towards your fingers. "I have never been less than truthful with you before and I am ashamed for using you like I did … can you forgive me?" My fingers reach yours and push hesitatingly between them.
Éomer: My fingers instinctively tighten around yours. I wish that I had known that I was doing what you wanted, perhaps I would have been gentler with you. I stare at our twined fingers. But perhaps not. Perhaps what we did was exactly what we both needed.
“Nothing to forgive, Théo.” I raise our hands to my lips and drop a small kiss on your knuckles. I would do more, but I do not want to spook you again. “Lovemaking is about using one another for pleasure, there is no shame in that. But I think I understand these games of yours better now, and it seems to me that one of us must be in control if the other is to surrender.” I close my eyes, thinking of how easily I could have hurt you much worse than I did. “You must know that I would give you anything that you asked me for, whether it is my loss of control or yours.” I smile at you hopefully.
Théo: Your kiss on my knuckles warms my heart, and I leave my fingers threaded through yours, smiling at your words. "You said you wanted me to teach you, and today I think I gave you a lesson even though I did not realise at the time. You are right. To be in control of another, you must also have control over yourself. The minute someone gives themselves to you, you become responsible for them. But …" When you close your eyes, I know what is going through your mind, and it is important you understand.
"Today was different. Neither of us was in control, and I took your passion, your lust, and moulded it to my own ends." I reach forward, brushing your damp hair back from your face, wanting to close the gap between us, take away the distance. "You did not hurt me, Mer, any pain I felt was so mixed in with passion that it became something else entirely. You are strong, my stallion, with a wild spirit, and to have that focussed on me, as you took what you wanted …" I run my fingers down your cheek, my eyes darkening at the memory. "I know you would give me anything I ask for, and so I am asking you this. Do not ever curb your passion, or hold back when we are together. We have left bruises on each other before and bruises heal, this is no different. I will tell you if you ever go too far, and I will trust you to do the same." I move closer, my hand slipping onto your neck. "Being with you is like riding a storm, or being tossed around in the ocean, and I do not ever want to lose that."
Éomer: Your hand is warm and strong on my neck, and I give into the urge to move closer. At your words, I feel something inside me ease that I had not realized was there. I had been needlessly afraid, I see now. You want me as I am. I grin at you happily. “That is good, for I do not know any other way to be. Especially not with you. I have never felt so free to set my passions loose as I do when I am with you. There is no one I trust more than I do you.”
I bring my hand to your shoulder, my thumb circling over the curve of muscle at there. Your hand moves to the back of my neck, soothing away the last of the tension you find there. I lower my head, relaxing under your touch.
Théo: My fingers work on your muscles, until the stiffness has left them. I thread both my hands through your golden hair, placing a kiss on your bowed head before raising your face to mine. That spark is back in your eyes, doubt banished and I smile as I brush my lips over yours. As you relax, your knees straighten, and I climb into your lap, my legs on either side of your hips, my arms wrapping round your neck, letting out a sigh as your arms fold around me. My hands tangle in your hair as it ripples down your back and you bury your face in my neck.
"You became my rock, my strength, well before we met here, and even more so now, and that will never change." I murmur into you hair.
Éomer: You fit into my arms so well, so familiarly, that the last of my tension leaves me as you settle against me and your legs enfold me. “Then I would that I could continue to be that for you, and never a burden, to take your burdens instead.” As much as I can, I will take, anything to make your life smoother.
My hair moves a little from the soft brush of your breath. My hands drift down the graceful sweep of your spine and I rest my lips on your neck, and I breathe in the taste and smell of you, smiling against your warm skin.
Théo: "You could never be a burden, my love, never." I murmur, sighing at the touch of your mouth. I silently swear that never again will I do anything to make you doubt yourself, and if that means having to face my own self doubt, I will do so knowing that I have your strength behind me.
I pull back a little, looking in your eyes as I brush my lips over yours and place a little pressure on your shoulders. "Lie with me? Sleep with me?"
Éomer: The pressure of your hands on my shoulders sends me down into the comfort of the pillows, and I wrap my arms around you, bringing you with me. Our legs entwine and I curl into you, draping one arm around your waist. "Yes," I breathe into your mouth, your lips hovering over mine.
I relax in the comfort of your body so close to me, our lips still touching lightly, your hand twisted in my hair. You bring me so much, peace and passion, laughter and lust and love, everything I ever imagined was possible with a lover and more.
Théo: Wrapped up in you like this, there is no need for further thought. I let myself sink into the deep contentment I always find at the end of our days together.
My fingers play through the strands of your hair, our lips touching every now and then and as I finally give in to the need to sleep, it is as if we melt together, a smile on my face as I look forward to the luxury of waking in your arms in the morning.
