Confession
May. 8th, 2005 02:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
horseboykarl“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful, and I won’t say anything about anyone else.” I say goodbye to Hugo and hang up the phone, belatedly aware that someone is standing beside the wall.
“Suppose you tell me what’s going on.”
I stall. “How did you know where I was?”
She sighs. “Because you’ve always come here when you had things on your mind. Must we sit on this wall?”
I slide down into the cool grass. She spreads out the blanket that she has wrapped around her shoulders and snuggles up against my side. I envelop her in my arms and we sit quietly, enjoying the clear cold night.
“Tell me, darling.”
“You won’t believe me.”
“I didn’t raise you to lie and I don’t have to tell you how much that conversation at dinner disturbed me.”
“I know. It’s just . . . I had a hard time believing it myself. It’s literally fantastic.”
She gives me a very direct look, one that I recall well from my childhood. There’s no dodging this issue anymore. So I tell her about Dave, and the bowl, and Éomer, and everything else. Before I know it, she has her arms around me, stroking my hair, and I feel like I’m ten again.
“Karl . . . my dear boy. I don’t know what to say.” She tightens her arms around me and looks away. It will break my heart if she doesn’t believe me. “This is why you ran?”
I nod slowly, still not sure what she’s thinking. “Everything . . . was just too much. It was easier to bury myself in work than to deal with all this shit.”
I’m afraid to ask the question, so we sit in silence some more. The time stretches out seemingly forever and I watch the stars, thinking of Éomer’s constellations. I’ll call him if I must, to prove it to her, but . . .
She finally stirs. “I thought you were perfectly cast in that role, you know. I don’t understand why you think Éomer is so different from you.”
It takes a moment, but then I realize what she is saying. Once again her unconditional faith in me gives me courage. “Thank you.”
She smiles at me.
“But, Aunt June . . . Éomer . . . he’s got his own set of rules. I mean, I never knew a grown man could be so horny. He acts like he’s about fifteen. And he drinks and gets in fights and just . . . mayhem seems to follow him around.”
“His country is at war, true?”
“Yes, but . . . “
“Darling, all soldiers behave the same way, no matter what their culture. When their lives can end at any moment, they have to pack as much living into as short a time as they can.”
“All right, but still, modern soldiers don’t carry on like he does.”
“Well, think about it. What happens if a Kiwi soldier gets captured in battle?”
“Uh, he becomes a POW, I guess.”
“And he’s protected by the protocols of the Geneva Convention. What can Éomer expect if he’s captured by his enemies?”
Suddenly I’m horrified. “He’d die slowly by torture. If it’s the Orcs, death would be preferable, they’d probably take his hair for a trophy and make a necklace out of his teeth, possibly while he’s still alive.”
Fuck, I do not want to feel more empathy for blondie. But she has made some good points. Théodred told me that they come here to relax and to get away from the stresses of their lives, but I have never stopped to think what horrors they were trying to escape.
She pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I understand, dear one, how it must gall you to lose control of your life when he is here, but this is your fate and you must find a way. And we aren’t in a position to judge those people, no matter that their conduct is so different from ours.”
I nod against her hair. “I have talked to Éomer and we have made agreements. I give him time with his cousin and in return, he leaves me alone.”
“See? Is it all so bad, then?”
Hugo’s words come back to me and I hope I haven’t put her at risk. “There are other considerations. That bowl was supposedly made by Morgoth, although I have trouble understanding how it could possibly help him.”
She looks as though she were seeing something I can’t. “True evil. We have such a hard time with that concept in this day and age. All our technology would seem to rule out magic of any sort.” She takes a deep breath. “But even Einstein acknowledged that the universe requires balance. If good can exist, so must evil.”
“Be careful, Aunt June. People have been hurt, some killed over this.”
“Bloody hell, boy! I can take care of myself. You’re the one in the middle of this, you should be careful yourself.”
We both settle down and sit peacefully again, until she stirs. “What about him? Will you tell him?”
“That’s the hard thing. I don’t think he’d deliberately hurt me, but I don’t know if I can trust him with this. I’m not the only one involved here, I can’t put my friends at risk. And I won’t tell him, if it will put him in danger.”
“Do you love him?”
Another hard question. I try not to squirm. “I don’t know. What do I know about love?”
She give me a hard look. “You’ve had plenty of examples,” she says frostily.
“You and Uncle Frank, yes, I would wish that I could have a relationship like that, you two seemed such a part of each other. But I don’t know what that looks like from the inside.”
“I can’t tell you what that would be for you, it’s different for everyone. But you’ll figure it out in time.” She settles back against me comfortably for a while and I am surprised when she says, “So, can I meet him?”
“Who? Éomer?”
She smiles. “Of course, the young warrior King of Rohan, so romantic.”
I snort. “The reality is quite a bit more mundane. I suppose I could call him. But don’t tell him about the King part, he doesn’t know it yet. Especially since it means the man he loves is dead.”
She nods and I close my eyes. Éomer . . . I want you to meet someone. He answers finally. She means more to me than anyone else in this world. She is my mother’s younger sister. I step back and let him through, but I don’t leave.
Her eyes widen as she watches my hair grow long and turn blonde. He seems startled to find himself so close to her and stands up, giving her a small bow. “Éomer son of Éomund, Third Marshal of the Mark.”
She jumps to her feet as well and holds out a hand to him. “June Lewis, Karl’s aunt. My, aren’t you a pretty one.”
He seems confused, but I’m not sure whether it’s from her manner or her comment. I laugh to myself. It is good to see him off-balance for once. He takes her hand cautiously. “Thank you, my lady.”
He looks around. “What is this place?”
She takes his arm. “I don’t think I’ve ever given anyone a tour of the farm in the moonlight before, but somehow it seems right in this situation. This is a former sheep farm that I am turning into a vineyard. I decided there was more money in wine than in wool.”
“A very wise course, I have no doubt.”
They walk through the fields, June talking at lightning speed and Éomer making polite and occasionally intelligent conversation. Soon she moves on to flirting and he responds in kind. They are both giggling by the time they return to the barn.
“You’re a very delightful boy, and I’m glad to meet you, but I need Karl back now.”
“Of course, my lady.” He’s clearly regained his confidence, because he steps in and kisses her soundly. She makes a surprised little noise and I’m glad I can’t actually feel what he’s doing. I make a note to yell at him for it later.
He slips away and I have full possession of my body again. She has a happy smile on her face. “Very romantic.”
I roll my eyes. “Screws his cousin, remember?”
She waves my objection away. “Makes him all the more intriguing. I need some cocoa, it’s chilly. Are you coming?”
“I’ll never understand women,” I mutter, wrapping an arm around her as we go into the house.
“Of course not, darling, you’re not meant to. You and that man of yours need to come up with a good Maori name for my winery. I think it will help the marketing, make it seem more authentic Kiwi.”
“Yes, Aunt June.”
“Suppose you tell me what’s going on.”
I stall. “How did you know where I was?”
She sighs. “Because you’ve always come here when you had things on your mind. Must we sit on this wall?”
I slide down into the cool grass. She spreads out the blanket that she has wrapped around her shoulders and snuggles up against my side. I envelop her in my arms and we sit quietly, enjoying the clear cold night.
“Tell me, darling.”
“You won’t believe me.”
“I didn’t raise you to lie and I don’t have to tell you how much that conversation at dinner disturbed me.”
“I know. It’s just . . . I had a hard time believing it myself. It’s literally fantastic.”
She gives me a very direct look, one that I recall well from my childhood. There’s no dodging this issue anymore. So I tell her about Dave, and the bowl, and Éomer, and everything else. Before I know it, she has her arms around me, stroking my hair, and I feel like I’m ten again.
“Karl . . . my dear boy. I don’t know what to say.” She tightens her arms around me and looks away. It will break my heart if she doesn’t believe me. “This is why you ran?”
I nod slowly, still not sure what she’s thinking. “Everything . . . was just too much. It was easier to bury myself in work than to deal with all this shit.”
I’m afraid to ask the question, so we sit in silence some more. The time stretches out seemingly forever and I watch the stars, thinking of Éomer’s constellations. I’ll call him if I must, to prove it to her, but . . .
She finally stirs. “I thought you were perfectly cast in that role, you know. I don’t understand why you think Éomer is so different from you.”
It takes a moment, but then I realize what she is saying. Once again her unconditional faith in me gives me courage. “Thank you.”
She smiles at me.
“But, Aunt June . . . Éomer . . . he’s got his own set of rules. I mean, I never knew a grown man could be so horny. He acts like he’s about fifteen. And he drinks and gets in fights and just . . . mayhem seems to follow him around.”
“His country is at war, true?”
“Yes, but . . . “
“Darling, all soldiers behave the same way, no matter what their culture. When their lives can end at any moment, they have to pack as much living into as short a time as they can.”
“All right, but still, modern soldiers don’t carry on like he does.”
“Well, think about it. What happens if a Kiwi soldier gets captured in battle?”
“Uh, he becomes a POW, I guess.”
“And he’s protected by the protocols of the Geneva Convention. What can Éomer expect if he’s captured by his enemies?”
Suddenly I’m horrified. “He’d die slowly by torture. If it’s the Orcs, death would be preferable, they’d probably take his hair for a trophy and make a necklace out of his teeth, possibly while he’s still alive.”
Fuck, I do not want to feel more empathy for blondie. But she has made some good points. Théodred told me that they come here to relax and to get away from the stresses of their lives, but I have never stopped to think what horrors they were trying to escape.
She pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I understand, dear one, how it must gall you to lose control of your life when he is here, but this is your fate and you must find a way. And we aren’t in a position to judge those people, no matter that their conduct is so different from ours.”
I nod against her hair. “I have talked to Éomer and we have made agreements. I give him time with his cousin and in return, he leaves me alone.”
“See? Is it all so bad, then?”
Hugo’s words come back to me and I hope I haven’t put her at risk. “There are other considerations. That bowl was supposedly made by Morgoth, although I have trouble understanding how it could possibly help him.”
She looks as though she were seeing something I can’t. “True evil. We have such a hard time with that concept in this day and age. All our technology would seem to rule out magic of any sort.” She takes a deep breath. “But even Einstein acknowledged that the universe requires balance. If good can exist, so must evil.”
“Be careful, Aunt June. People have been hurt, some killed over this.”
“Bloody hell, boy! I can take care of myself. You’re the one in the middle of this, you should be careful yourself.”
We both settle down and sit peacefully again, until she stirs. “What about him? Will you tell him?”
“That’s the hard thing. I don’t think he’d deliberately hurt me, but I don’t know if I can trust him with this. I’m not the only one involved here, I can’t put my friends at risk. And I won’t tell him, if it will put him in danger.”
“Do you love him?”
Another hard question. I try not to squirm. “I don’t know. What do I know about love?”
She give me a hard look. “You’ve had plenty of examples,” she says frostily.
“You and Uncle Frank, yes, I would wish that I could have a relationship like that, you two seemed such a part of each other. But I don’t know what that looks like from the inside.”
“I can’t tell you what that would be for you, it’s different for everyone. But you’ll figure it out in time.” She settles back against me comfortably for a while and I am surprised when she says, “So, can I meet him?”
“Who? Éomer?”
She smiles. “Of course, the young warrior King of Rohan, so romantic.”
I snort. “The reality is quite a bit more mundane. I suppose I could call him. But don’t tell him about the King part, he doesn’t know it yet. Especially since it means the man he loves is dead.”
She nods and I close my eyes. Éomer . . . I want you to meet someone. He answers finally. She means more to me than anyone else in this world. She is my mother’s younger sister. I step back and let him through, but I don’t leave.
Her eyes widen as she watches my hair grow long and turn blonde. He seems startled to find himself so close to her and stands up, giving her a small bow. “Éomer son of Éomund, Third Marshal of the Mark.”
She jumps to her feet as well and holds out a hand to him. “June Lewis, Karl’s aunt. My, aren’t you a pretty one.”
He seems confused, but I’m not sure whether it’s from her manner or her comment. I laugh to myself. It is good to see him off-balance for once. He takes her hand cautiously. “Thank you, my lady.”
He looks around. “What is this place?”
She takes his arm. “I don’t think I’ve ever given anyone a tour of the farm in the moonlight before, but somehow it seems right in this situation. This is a former sheep farm that I am turning into a vineyard. I decided there was more money in wine than in wool.”
“A very wise course, I have no doubt.”
They walk through the fields, June talking at lightning speed and Éomer making polite and occasionally intelligent conversation. Soon she moves on to flirting and he responds in kind. They are both giggling by the time they return to the barn.
“You’re a very delightful boy, and I’m glad to meet you, but I need Karl back now.”
“Of course, my lady.” He’s clearly regained his confidence, because he steps in and kisses her soundly. She makes a surprised little noise and I’m glad I can’t actually feel what he’s doing. I make a note to yell at him for it later.
He slips away and I have full possession of my body again. She has a happy smile on her face. “Very romantic.”
I roll my eyes. “Screws his cousin, remember?”
She waves my objection away. “Makes him all the more intriguing. I need some cocoa, it’s chilly. Are you coming?”
“I’ll never understand women,” I mutter, wrapping an arm around her as we go into the house.
“Of course not, darling, you’re not meant to. You and that man of yours need to come up with a good Maori name for my winery. I think it will help the marketing, make it seem more authentic Kiwi.”
“Yes, Aunt June.”
